Snape and Lily's daughter

Farce

The three of them left the staffroom, which was now empty, and went to Lockhart's office. As they reached the room, they heard things being dragged and hurried footsteps. Harry knocked on the door and there was a sudden silence in the room. Suddenly, a crack opened in the door and Lockhart's eye peered out.

"Oh — Mr. Potter — Mr. Weasley — Miss Snape — " he spoke, opening the door a bit wider. "I'm rather busy at the moment — if you would be quick —"

"Professor, we've got some information for you," Harry said. "We think it'll help you."

"Er — well — it's not terribly —" Lockhart said. "I mean — well — all right —"

The teacher opened the classroom door and the three of them entered. The whole room was almost dismantled. There were two open trunks on the floor.

"Are you going somewhere?" Grace asked.

"Er, well, yes," Lockhart said. "Urgent call — unavoidable — got to go —"

"What about my sister?" Ron said.

"Well, as to that — most unfortunate —" Lockhart said, avoiding their eyes. "No one regrets more than I —"

"You're the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!" Harry said. "You can't go now! Not with all the Dark stuff going on here!"

"Well — I must say — when I took the job —" Lockhart muttered. "nothing in the job description — didn't expect —"

"You mean you're running away?" Grace said disbelievingly. "After all that stuff you did in your books —"

"Books can be misleading," he said delicately.

"You wrote them!" Harry shouted.

"My dear boy," Lockhart said, straightening up. "Do use your common sense. My books wouldn't have sold half as well if people didn't think I'd done all those things. No one wants to read about some ugly old Armenian warlock, even if he did save a village from werewolves. He'd look dreadful on the front cover. No dress sense at all. And the witch who banished the Bandon Banshee had a hairy chin. I mean, come on —"

"So you've just been taking credit for what a load of other people have done?" Grace said incredulously.

"Grace, Grace." Lockhart said, shaking his head impatiently. "it's not nearly as simple as that. There was work involved. I had to track these people down. Ask them exactly how they managed to do what they did. Then I had to put a Memory Charm on them so they wouldn't remember doing it. If there's one thing I pride myself on, it's my Memory Charms. No, it's been a lot of work, Harry. It's not all book signings and publicity photos, you know. You want fame, you have to be prepared for a long hard slog."

He banged the lids of his trunks shut and locked them.

"Let's see, I think that's everything. Yes. Only one thing left."

He pulled out his wand and turned to them.

"Awfully sorry, kids, but I'll have to put a Memory Charm on you now. Can't have you blabbing my secrets all over the place. I'd never sell another book —"

Harry and Grace reached their wands just in time. "Expelliarmus!"

The professor was thrown backwards, he fell on top of his trunk, his wand flew into the air. Ron grabbed it and threw it out of the window.

"Shouldn't have let Professor Snape teach us that one," Harry said, furiously.

Harry and Grace pointed their wands in the teacher's direction.

"What d'you want me to do?" Lockhart said weakly. "I don't know where the Chamber of Secrets is. There's nothing I can do."

"You're in luck," Grace spoke. "We think we know where it is. And what's inside it. Let's go."

The four of them left the office to go to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

"Oh, it's you," Myrtle said when she saw Harry. "What do you want this time?"

"To ask you how you died," Harry said.

"Ooooh, it was dreadful," she said. "It happened right in here. I died in this very stall. I remember it so well. I'd hidden because Olive Hornby was teasing me about my glasses. The door was locked, and I was crying, and then I heard somebody come in. They said something funny. A different language, I think it must have been. Anyway, what really got me was that it was a boy speaking. So I unlocked the door, to tell him to go and use his own toilet, and then —" she swelled. "I died."

"How?" Grace asked.

"No idea," she said in hushed tones. "I just remember seeing a pair of great, big, yellow eyes. My whole body sort of seized up, and then I was floating away..." she looked at Harry. "And then I came back again. I was determined to haunt Olive Hornby, you see. Oh, she was sorry she'd ever laughed at my glasses."

"Where exactly did you see the eyes?" Harry asked.

"Somewhere there," Myrtle said, pointing to the sink.

Everyone headed towards the sink.

"Harry," Ron said. "Say something. Something in Parseltongue."

Harry stared at the sink and said something that nobody understood. The sink disappeared, leaving an exposed pipe wide enough for a man to slip into.

"I'm going down there," Harry said.

"Me too," Ron and Grace said at the same time.

"Well, you hardly seem to need me," Lockhart spoke. "I'll just —"

The professor was heading for the door, but Ron, Harry and Grace pointed their wands at him.

"You can go first," Grace snarled.

"Kids," Lockhart spoke. "Kids, what good will it do?"

Harry poked him with his wand and his legs slipped into the pipe.

"I really don't think —" he started to say, but Grace and Ron gave him a push.