An Eventful Internship

Batfam Crossover Cuz Why Not? | 93

~Batkids ages~
Dick: 22
Jason: 19
Cass: 19
Steph: 17
Tim: 16
Duke: 14
Damian: 10

***

April 28th

I love pistachios.

Why does no one talk about pistachios? They deserve to be talked about, you may be wondering, what the fuck Peter, why are you talking about pistachios after we've not seen you in ages?

I actually don't know how to answer that question, take it up with the author.

But anygays, let's talk pistachios.

What's not to like? They're fucking great, if i was on death row and they asked me what I wanted for my last meal do you want to know what i would ask for? Pistachios.

Well also a Baynes macaroni pie, some dino nuggies and monster but pistachios would definitely be there too. Maybe mashed potatoes... or every kind of potato... yo... I don't think I'd be able to decide my last meal.

Do you think anyones ever asked to like eat dick as their last meal? Not Dick Grayson, like actual dick. Why did I clear that up? I do not know.

Speaking of Dick, we're talking about Dick Grayson now, I heard his brother got his face bashed in by the joker with a crowbar. Gnarly right? But hey here's the real kicker, bro got brought back to life by the league of assassins aka the peeps who brought aunt Sara back.

I'd be pretty disappointed if I got brought back to life after being brutally murdered by some psychotic clown. Poor Jason.

Apparently he's went a bit rogue, he calls himself the Red Hood and kills people now. I feel like I should not know this dudes identity but hey, Dick is an over-sharer and he knows I'm spider-man sooooo I guess it's fair.

But anyway, yeah Red Hood actually sounds like a cool vigilante name, honestly from what I hear about this guy, he reminds me a lot about Deadpool.

Wait why the fuck am I talking about this? Who knows... hey maybe I should got to Gotham to catch up with my brother from another mother, and meet this Jason guy 'cause he sounds cool and hey he likes killing people, he can kill me as much as he wants!

***

So I kinda did a thing...

I'm in Gotham, and you know what? It's not as dark as I remembered, there a little light coming in... just like not a lot but still!

I'm meeting up with Dick at a small cafe next to a cemetery, I have no idea why it's next to a cemetery but hey ho I didn't make this shit up.

As soon as I walk into the small establishment, I see Dick waving me over from a small booth at the far corner by the window.

"Dick my brother, how have you been?" I ask with a wide smile as we do our super cool secret handshake.

"I've been good Penis" he replies with a chuckle, he's not bullying me, I just bullied him about being called Dick and how it's equivalent to me being called Penis so now he calls me that.

You may be wondering how the fuck we know each other, well I lived in Gotham once when I was a kid with some shitty foster parent. He helped me when I was being held at gun point by some weird pedo men who wanted to kidnap me. We became friends after that, he's kind of like a big brother really, he's like 20 something now, it's actually weird seeing him so... old.

"You look old" I say and he lets out a snort, "I don't get ID'd in bars anymore" he replies proudly.

"Can you buy me vodka?" I ask and he rolls his eyes, "absolutely not" he says.