At the Heir's Request 2

Chapter 37

Shanique Munroe

I've honestly been depressed by the state of my marriage.

I've been holding in a lot for a very long time. A lot of bullshit, honestly. My conversation with Shawntel helped me to see a lot of things from a different perspective.

The key takeaway for me is that, I have been selfish.

Selfish as fuck.

I wiped away at the tear that slipped at my eyes and looked out the window so no one noticed.

I didn't need that right now.

I didn't need pity. I needed to take accountability for my actions. I have caused us two years of misery and I couldn't even see it in the moment.

I couldn't see it even after the fact, if we are being totally honest. I just made a mess of everything.

Is it too late though?

For Dan to leave me says a lot.

I think it is.

However, Shawn is convinced that it's not over, that I need to try and resuscitate our dying relationship. No matter how painful the process may prove to be.

I already anticipate it. The deadpans, silent treatment, the cold shoulder I will have to endure to get a word in with him.

I did a number on us.

Traumatized us both for nothing.

I want to try though.

Anderson means more to me than life itself and a life without him isn't much of a life. I am willing to grovel and beg him. I can't do this alone.

"Mrs Grant? The cart will be coming around shortly, here is the menu." The nice flight attendant said handing me the airline branded laminated menu card.

I smiled at her before telling her thanks.

I browsed the list of breakfast items and sighed.

Mi not even know wah me can hold down nothing. Everything sounds so good though.

Let me just stick to the evil that I know.

Toast and Jam.

If I take the omelette I know that will just end up in the plane toilet. Mi cya bother with this enuh. All a this for a baby that I won't even be able to kiss and hug. A baby that I won't even get to watch grow up and learn to be human. A baby that won't get to be the light of its parent's lives.

Looking down at the black and white picture that the doctor gave me isn't helping how I feel. It has ten toes and and ten fingers at 15 weeks.

The doctors are hopeful seeing that this is the farthest I've gone any of my pregnancies, but I know it's not for long. It' never lasts.

Shawntel said I should still say something to Anderson but I want us to work on us without the pressure of a baby being a factor. I don't want him to come back because he feel obligated to.