The Psychic and The Fool

Chapter Thirty-Seven: 'Ranch'

DING DING DING

Obnoxious ringing shocked you awake.

You awoke on the couch in your apartment, hearing someone hum something behind you. The blankets fell to the ground while the cold air finally settled into your skin.

"Kusuo?" You spoke up. The humming suddenly ceased and footsteps got closer.

"Hey, Y/N." He smiled, coming out of the kitchen, "remember, finals are tomorrow."

"...do you not remember what the fuck happened yesterday or are we just gonna ignore it?"

"Hm? What happened?" Tilting his head to the side innocently, you could see the hints of annoyance behind his green tinted glasses.

"Got it. Anyways, did you tell your parents, like, anything or do they just assume you're fucking dead when you're gone?" Standing up, you stretched your back and released an ungodly amount of cracks, sounding as if you were a glow stick.

"Ah, I told my parents and let them know I was with you. They completely understand and told me it was good to support my friend whenever they needed it most, like now."

The pink haired male walked into the kitchen with you following closely behind. On your oven was a single cracked egg being fried, covered in something you assumed to be a condiment.

"Why the fuck do you put ranch on your eggs...where the fuck did that pan even come from?" With a confused look, you glanced between Kusuo and the cooking food.

"Uhm, well, ranch is good on everything," he lied. He knew damn well it wasn't ranch. "And, I found the pan in a drawer."

The sizzling on the stove caught his attention as he pushed you into a chair.

"I decided to also call school off for us."

"Oh, neat." You shrugged, changing the subject. "Why would you just make one singular egg?"

"Stop asking so many questions about my cooking skills, Y/N." Kusuo playfully rolled his eyes and slipped the food onto one of your plates. He placed said plate in front of you and sat in another nearby chair.

"...shit, is this for me?" He nodded. Taking the fork, you suspiciously eyed the egg. "If this is poisonous, I'm going to be so pissed at you."

Quickly, you shoved a bit of the food in your mouth. The flavor was a little bit off but overall it was a pretty solid meal.

"D-do you like it?" Kusuo asked, wiping some sweat off of his forehead.

"Yeah, it's decent." Shrugging, you took another bite. A strange, indescribable sound popped out from the male. Sounding between a moan and a scream.

You raised an eyebrow which only got a weak smile in return from the cook.

Lifting the fork to your mouth, preparing to take a bite, the male again squeaked like a dying cat.

"I'll be right back." Kusuo quickly sprinted out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

"...maybe he's sick?" You whispered to yourself, taking the final bite of the breakfast.

***

"Shit shit shit shit! I'm inside of her now! I'll always be with her! Hah! God, her beautiful lips...I feel dirty right now but it's all in her best interest! She wouldn't mind if she knew! God, it wasn't even that hard to produce! I could've done it with just the thought of her...she's so wonderful..."

***

About 10 minutes passed before the pink haired male calmly walked out of the bathroom. His face was deep red and his arms were locked together.

"Oh, hey man." You greeted him, falling onto the couch.

"Y/N, uhm, I have a question." Kusuo fell onto the seat next to you, bringing his knees to his chest and looked at the ground. "Wh-what's your type? You said you'd tell me a while ago and.."

"Seems like a pretty ironic time to ask now that my crazy ex-boyfriend just visited but, I guess someone who loves me." You shrugged while you scrolled through some channels.

"That's it? Just someone who loves you?" He turned to face you.

"Suppose so yeah. Also, what kind of ranch did you use? It was pretty good and I didn't see any ranch in my fridge."

"...Off brand." Quickly looking back at the TV, a silence arose.

"Are you gatekeeping ranch?" You turned to your friend with a look that was mixed with anger and confusion.

"Y-yeah, because if you know it, you'll make it yourself and you won't need me for it anymore." Smiling innocently, he made eye contact.

You leaned over and rested on the males shoulder, focusing on the TV. "Great, you can cook for me forever now. Congratulations."

"Forever? You mean it?"

"Mean what? That you'll cook for me forever? I mean that. Friends forever? Debatable." You let out a smooth laugh, feeling Kusuo's eyes on you.

"I'm...I'm going to be honest with you, Y/N. I feel like I haven't been myself lately and not in a bad way...when I'm with you I feel so much more...comfortable. You make me better Y/N. Thank you."

"Oh, wow, that's really thoughtful of you...uhm...whenever I'm with you, I feel pretty relaxed too. Thanks for being in my life, nerd."

With a wide smile, Kusuo wrapped his arm around your shoulder and brought you closer to him.

The two of you spent the rest of the day off lazing around with lunch being made my Kusuo once again.

This time a thick chicken salad with tons of ranch on it. A suspicious amount of ranch.

But, hey, who were you to question when he came out of the chicken, red faced and wet fingered?

"Maybe he just really likes salad?" You tried to rationalize yourself, moving the food around with your fork. "Y'know, this ranch kinda looks familiar...maybe I've had it before."

Taking a bite once again earned a shriek of pleasure from the male.

"...god maybe he really loves salad..."