𝔇𝔢𝔣𝔦𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢 (𝔏𝔢𝔳𝔦 𝔵 ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯)

LXVII - As Realisation Sinks In

But it was the now that mattered the most, so who cares?

***

Levi walked me to my room as he was on his way to his own. He lingered behind me, a comforting silence warming the air as we slowly approached my door. He stopped a few feet away from the door as I reached for the handle. Turning my head to look at him, I gave a gentle smile before turning my body toward him as well.

"Thank you for tonight, Lee." I say warmly. He gave a soft nod.

"Good night Mon Coeur." He murmured quietly, as though he were scared someone could hear us even if it was just the two of us in the building. I stepped toward him, tilting my head toward his a little as my lips met his cheek in a light, wispy touch. Hesitancy was definitely there, and my heart skipped a beat as it finally caught up to what my body did on its own accord. The raven stopped breathing for a moment, as still as a statue as I pulled back and dropped my head to look at the ground.

"Good night, Levi." I mumble before retreating quickly into my room to avoid him noticing the red that had soon overtaken my face. I closed the door, quickly pressing my back against it and held my breath, listening for receding footsteps for what felt like forever. But Levi's footsteps were close to silent, always have been ever since I had come to know him, so whether he had left or not was a mystery to everyone but himself. Moments passed by in what felt like hours, and I could only stare across the room in a numbing nervousness before it hit me like a formation of carriages.

Holy shit, I like Levi.

I rested the back of my hand across my forehead, eyes wide as I peered into the darkness. It lingered painfully in my mind, and it would've been the only thing in my mind if my dress wasn't clinging to me so uncomfortably. I sigh in disgust, pushing off the door and begin heading into my bedroom while pulling the dress from my drenched skin. I dropped the dress onto the floor beside the fireplace, proceeding into the bathroom in my undergarments as a quick sigh slipped from my lips.

I showered until my skin was wrinkly and smelling of lavender and moonflower scented soap. And then the exhaustion hit me as the cool air of my bedroom met my face. I dressed into a fresh set of undergarments and a pair of shorts, not bothering with a shirt as I fell into the blankets on my bed. I made a nest of sorts, out of my blankets and pillows for maximum comfort before snuggling into my duvet and falling into a near sleep state.

Until reality hit me in the face once again.

I like my best friend. In a romantic way.

I pushed the thought off a dark cliff that was located at the back of my mind, knowing full well it would eventually creep back up again sometime soon, and linger more heavily than it already did.

"What is wrong with me?" I whisper to myself after a few minutes of failing to fall asleep. I gazed aimlessly at the ceiling above, half lidded eyes lazily roaming over the somewhat textured surface before sighing exasperated. Begrudgingly swinging my legs over the side of my bed, I lean forward and allow one of my hands to slowly rub at my eyes, a gradual sigh leaving through my nose. I stood up, exhausted but unable to sleep, waltzing through the door into my office and dropping into my chair that creaked beneath my weight.

I stared at the contents that littered my desk after I had mustered up the energy to light a candle, pens and random documents strewn messily across it. Files of sorts regarding old criminal cases that I had taken rare interest in, summed up biographies of late commanders and captains, even a short rundown on a notebook from a scout that had passed away outside the walls after supposedly communicating with a titan that could speak. Two documents stood out in particular, peeking between whatever gaps that had presented themselves between each paper. Mikasa's and Levi's personal records.