𝔇𝔢𝔣𝔦𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢 (𝔏𝔢𝔳𝔦 𝔵 ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯)

LXXIII - Sea Of Stars

"Don't get hurt, that's all I ask, Y/N.

And trust no one."

***

~Later That Night~

The squad ate dinner in silence.

The only noise worth being mentioned was the sound of forks hitting plates and the crackle of the hot fire that was lit behind Levi. I dwelled in the thought of the titans having come from people, not a sound emitting from me as my eyes were trained on a small split in the wooden table. Everyone seated around the table moved, their forks stabbing at the food served, or fingers gripping the cups that held the beverage that would accompany the food in front of them.

All but one member.

Historia sat impossibly still at the end of the table, opposite Levi, her ambience reflecting the negativity that flowed through her. It unsettled the squad to a degree, the silence just being the cherry on top. I wondered what they were all thinking. Eren, Historia, Mikasa, Levi. Their minds hadn't achieved the courage to voice anything, all until I was proven wrong.

"I was born on a small farm in the northern part of Wall Sina." Historia began. For the first time since dinner had commenced, I look up and settle my eyes on the girl who had broken the silence amongst a group who hadn't dared to do so in the first place.

"It was a farm on land controlled by the noble Reiss family. As far back as I can remember, I was always helping out on the farm. My mother always had a book in hand, I never saw her doing any housework. She was a beautiful woman." Historia's figure remained deathly still, her blue eyes seemingly dulled as she gazed nonchalantly at the table. "Every night she would dress up in showy clothes and someone in a carriage would come and take her to town. She seemed to have some other source of income besides the family business. That was just normal life for me.

But then I learned to read and write. And when I started to imitate my mother reading books, I learned that I was very much alone. And in all the books I read, the mothers bonded with their children. In my books, they would speak to them, hold them, scold them, I had never experienced any of those things. My grandparents would speak to me when they taught me how to work. But I had never even spoken to my mother." I reached for the cup of tea Levi had prepared for me before dinner, the dark liquid nearly guaranteed to have lost majority of its heat by now, bringing it to my lips and taking a slow sip of the now lukewarm tea.

"I also noticed that the other children could walk around freely, and that they'd play with one another. To me, other children were dangerous, they'd throw rocks at me. Needless to say, I never left the farm. One day, out of curiosity, I decided I would try hugging my mother. I wanted to see what kind of face she would make. And so I threw myself onto her in a playful manner, simply addressing her as Mother, and her hand slammed against my face as she threw me off her." The image that had formed in my head after her saying that, only made me pity Historia. I hadn't a clue what that would've been like, and I felt guilty, even though none of that was my doing.

"Blood seeped from my nose, my face hurt and the part of my body I had landed on ached. But I was happy nonetheless, because that had been the first time my mother had ever done anything to me. I smiled, watching as she stood and looked down at me with what looked like anguish. 'If only I had the courage to kill this girl,' were the first words she had ever said to me. After that, my mother left the house and started living elsewhere. Eventually, I realised my grandparents, the people who worked on the farm, the people who lived on the land. Everyone, would all be happier if I simply weren't alive. I wondered frequently, what had I done? Why were things the way they were? There was no one I could ask. The farm was all I knew." She took a subtle breath before she continued. Every movement at the table had ceased, and everyones eyes were all plastered on her as she spoke her story.