Bucky watched as the jet took you away, his heart was in his mouth as it disappeared into the distance.
"FUCK!" He screams and drops to his knees.
You were gone, you were really gone. He had fucked everything up so bad and you were gone. He didn't know if he should chase after you, would you want that? Your last words to him ring in his ears, find happiness with someone else. He didn't want anyone else, it had always been you.
The fight about your futures hits him hard, it had scared him so much. But he never wanted to let you go, but you had been right. He had held on to you with false promises, and you wanted more from him. You had wanted everything with him. But he was so afraid, afraid of hurting you, screwing up your life and God if a kid had been bought into it. What happens when the kid finds out his father is a murderer? They wouldn't want anything to do with him and his heart couldn't take that. He couldn't, wouldn't be able to take it. It would break him completely. But the look in your eyes when he shut you down again. He had broken you, the one thing he promised never to do. And he had done it anyways.
"Bucky?" he looks behind him to see a pissed off Steve.
"What?" he grunts and gets up, sniffing back his tears.
He hears Steve sigh as he steps up beside him, nudging him to look at him.
"What happened?" Bucky's eyes fill up again.
"I fucked up and she's gone" he turns back for the door.
"Yeah, I seen her last night. She wasn't doing well" Bucky looks at him hard.
"She didn't tell me, she told me to ask you" Bucky nods and heads for his room, Steve following.
He paces the small area, how could he fix this? He needed you back, he couldn't live without you.
"Can you call her for me?" he asks Steve, who shakes his head.
"I don't think that's a good idea pal" Bucky sinks down in his bed.
He knew it wasn't, but he was desperate to hear your voice again. Just to hear that lilt to your tone when you were happy, the way your voice went up an octave when you laughed. He sighs and scrubs his hair, Steve pats his leg and Bucky looks at him.
"She wanted a family and I can't give that to her" he mumbles.
"Why the hell not?" Steve sounds angry again.
"Because of who I am. Christ Steve, the kid would have to grow up knowing its father is a.." Steve stands up.
"Knowing their father is a hero, you were y/n's hero, mine and so many others Bucky" he shakes his head.
"I'm a killer Steve, nothing can change that" Steve shakes his head.
"Everybody in this building has killed someone Bucky, hell even the janitors are trained to take someone out if they have to. Why are you so different?" Bucky scowls at him.
"You know why" Steve sighs loudly.
"That wasn't you, you think y/n would have been with you in the first place if she thought that. Your a god damn moron, you pushed away the one good thing in your miserable life and why?" he yells.
"BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID!" he screams back.
"I was...afraid" he huffs out, tears running down his face.
"Afraid of what?" Steve holds his shoulder.
"Of what would happen when the kid found out. I couldn't...I couldn't take it if they turned away from me. Steve it would break me" Steve shakes his head.
