"Ladies, could you give me the room for a moment" You sigh when Bucky gives out commands to your coworkers. They all get up and head out, and when you try to follow he grabs your arm to stop you. "Not you sweetheart" His voice is low and demanding. "Whatever" You grumble and sit back down, if he was keeping you here you were gonna work so you could ignore him. He shuts the door behind the women and sighs, stepping over to you quickly. "Could you stop doing that?" He tries to stop you typing and when it doesn't work, moves your chair away from the computer screen. He drops to his knees in front of you, gripping both your hands tight. "I missed you baby" He looks at your face, seeing the bland look you give him. "Come on doll, give me a break. I was on a mission" He huffs and gets up. "A mission? A mission where they told me you died. That mission?" Anger was filling you up now. "It was part of the plan doll, certain people had to think I was dead to draw them out" His shoulders sink, and he can see the stubbornness in your eyes. "I get that part. What I don't get is why I wasn't told. They let me think you were dead for three weeks. It broke me Bucky, I thought the man I was... You know what, it doesn't matter. You need to leave, I have work to do" You drag your chair back over to your desk and start typing again. You hear Bucky sigh and head for the door, your colleagues shuffle back in and sit down. The room was now oppressive, everyone was silent and it was grating on you. "I'm getting a coffee" You mumble and run out of the room.
You make your coffee blindly, too lost in the memories of being told that Bucky was dead. You had been together for eight months. You had met him when you dropped a file off for Nat, he had been in her office talking about a mission. Nat had kept you there while she read and Bucky had winked at you. Your face had flushed and you had tried to look everywhere but at him. But he was too much, you hadn't been able to stop looking at him. The way his hair fell over his forehead, how bright blue his eyes were and holy hell, how he had chewed his lip when he caught you looking at his thick thighs. You giggled to yourself as you left the room, running to the elevator with a big smile on your face. You had been shocked as hell when Bucky had run through the doors to catch up to you. His smile was devilish and charming. "Y/n, wasn't it?" He asks and you nod. "Well y/n, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date with me tonight?" His eyes sparkle in anticipation. "I'd like that" You had said it breathlessly and with big innocent eyes. He had taken your hand and scribbled his number down on it quickly. "Call me and we can arrange it" He had winked and stepped off the elevator before you could reply. You had run to your office and typed his number so fast into your phone.
The date had been romantic and sweet. He had taken you to an Italian restaurant, you had both laughed and eaten your fill. A few drinks and more laughing. You had never had a better date. After he had walked you home, you had taken your time so you could spend as much time as possible with him. You had been expecting a kiss at your door, but he had taken your hand and kissed your knuckles sweetly. Before you had even locked your door, a message had come through off him. You were like a giddy school girl, and his message had wished you a good night and see you at work. Your heart had fluttered, your stomach full of butterflies. You couldn't wait to go to work in the morning. After that, he was a fixture in your life. He had dinner at your home and you at his, more sweet dates and hand-holding. He still hadn't kissed you and you were so ready for it. He hadn't been ready for you though, he had grunted when you threw yourself at him. Pressing your lips to his on your doorstep, it hadn't taken him long to kiss you back. His arms wrapped around your waist, his tongue pushing into your mouth. With smaller kisses, as he backed away, he had said goodnight. His cheeks were red and glowing.
Eight blissful months of dating the best man you had ever met and you hadn't been told his death was fake. It had nearly broken you, the day you found out. You had screamed, you hadn't even been told officially either. You had heard the office gossip talking about it, loudly and obnoxiously. The girls in your office had come running, taking you away to the bathroom. And then Nat had turned up, her eyes full of pain at the sight of you sobbing on the floor. You understand why she had that look now, she had known it was all fake. The whole of the Avengers knew. Steve, Tony, Sam, Nat and even Wanda and Vision knew. And not one of them had told you the truth. But the worst part had been his funeral. It had taken every bit of strength you had to attend, to see his coffin be lowered into the cold ground. You couldn't even bring yourself to get too close, you had stood in the back near a tree. Watching everyone speak for him until some brawl had started with a strange man. He looked almost robotic as he placed a rose on the coffin until the team jumped into action. And when it was over, you heard it. The one voice you had been desperate to hear again. "Where's y/n?" Bucky had looked around but he couldn't see you in the back. "Steve, where is she?" You had heard mumbling and turned to leave. You couldn't deal with this. But two big hands had stopped you in your place, turning you gently. When Bucky saw your face, his had crumbled. "Baby?" He had tried to cup your cheek, but you stepped back away from him, shaking your head. He looked fine, still alive and breathing. But your heart had broken, the tears running freely. When he opened his mouth to speak you had lashed out. You punched him as hard as you could, he had taken it. Didn't even try to move as your hit landed on his nose. There was a crack and you howled in pain. God damn super soldiers, you had broken your hand on his fucking face. "Let me help" He tried again. "Don't touch me" You had turned and fled, jumping in your car and driving yourself to the hospital.
"You know it wasn't his fault?" Nat says behind you. She watched your back stiffen up at her words. "No, it was yours and everybody else's" You grab your coffee and walk away from her. You get a small amount of satisfaction, slamming the office door in the black widow's face. They all knew and let you suffer, she was right that that part wasn't Bucky's fault. But he didn't tell you either, the man you were so in love with hadn't trusted you with this. And now you wouldn't trust any of them ever again, they had the world for that.
At the end of your work day, you grab everything and toss it in your bag. Sparing a glance at your phone. You had to turn it off because Bucky wouldn't stop calling it. And now Steve was standing outside the door waiting for you. Rolling your eyes you walk away but he keeps up, stepping into the elevator with you. "He misses you" He tries and you scoff. "And I missed him for the three weeks you all let me think he was dead" You refused to hold back anymore, they all deserved to know the pain you went through. "It wasn't his decision" You turn sharply and look at him. "It was protocol to not tell you" You laugh loudly, your face hurting by the time you are done. "Bullshit, you've all broken protocols before, for each other but this time it was different. Why?" You don't expect an answer and you don't get one other than Steve's contrite face. "Leave me alone or I'll report you for harassment" You step out of the elevator, leaving a shocked Steve behind. His betrayal hurt a lot, out of everybody he knew what it felt like to lose Bucky for real and he let you go through all that pain for three weeks.
You shake your head as you walk up the steps to your house. Tony was there, kicking at dust, waiting for you. "You need to leave" You shove your key in the lock but Tony stops you from turning it. "Look, I get that you're pissed off. But this was a critical mission. It had to be done" His face is serious and if your hand wasn't still in pain, you would have punched the look off his face. "Get off my property before I call the police" Tony's brows shoot up in shock. "Y/n, he didn't know that you weren't told" That was new information, you hadn't realised that Bucky didn't know. "Why didn't he tell me then? I'm his... Was his girlfriend. Why wasn't I the first to know that he wasn't dead? How did the office gossip find out that he was dead and I had to hear in front of EVERYONE!" You yell and shake. There were too many questions to be answered, but you were too angry, too hurt to want to get them from the people who had betrayed you."I can find out. Give me a few days and I'll find out everything" He steps back down the steps. "Don't bother. I'm done" Your door slams and you drop to the floor, sobbing, your heart breaking all over again.
***
His lips are hot on your skin, the kisses long and slow. You can feel him smirking into your flesh when he feels you shudder beneath him. Goosebumps rise when he licks you, his cool breath blowing as he moves down your body. His whispered words of encouragement blow your mind, he begs and thrills you, getting you to open up for him. Your body was his to take and use, you gave yourself freely to him. Every touch, whisper and kiss drove you higher. He knew exactly where to ply your body, how hard to suck on your skin. Every thrust was deep, his muscles hard and rippling. You cry out his name and feel his teeth nip at you. "I can feel you, baby, give in to me. Let me have all of you" You gasp and writhe, your hips pushing against his. His face buries in your neck, his hand wrapped behind your knee. He pushes deeper, groaning your name. "I lo" Bucky stops your words with a kiss. "Not before me" He whispers and his hips stutter. You were both so close, you nod and he picks up speed. When your mouth pops open and a cry rushes out, he groans. You come together, pushing each other higher. Bucky kisses you all over, and when your eyes flutter open he's grinning.
You sit up with a start, your heart pounding. That had been your first time together, something else that you had instigated. It had been amazing, a mix of sex and lovemaking that brought you both closer than ever. And now it was gone, like so much dust in the wind. You had loved him so much and he had broken you.
