Darkside (BkDK)

~~** The rabbit of Caerbanog. **~~

A half relieved Midoriya, who was somehow MORE anxious now that he had fully opened up about his struggles, headed back to his dorm after his weekly therapy session. In one hand he held a bag of tea designed to reduce anxiety different from the one he had previously been using, and in the other a book about some yoga poses that were supposed to help with better sleep by releasing tense muscles. He wasn't convinced either would be of any help but he fully intended to try them both.

Unfortunately, the effectiveness of the new bedtime regiment proved to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe he should have told Hound Dog about Shinso commanding him to sleep?

Three weeks after starting the modified routine December approached, but there was no holiday cheer for the one time upbeat greenette. The voice was now speaking to him almost hourly and the nightmares had become even more intense than before. He didn't want to worry or disappoint the Pros who were working hard to help him so the deteriorating teen started to do something he previously loathed doing: Lying.

Rather than speak the truth he told Hound Dog the voice and dreams were slightly improved. Instead of telling Midnight he was feeling increasingly isolated from everyone because of it, he said he felt supported and happy with his classmates. How could he not be getting any better when those around him were working so hard to help? It would have been selfish of him to make them think their efforts were wasted. After all, HE was clearly not working at it enough. It was obvious that he was his own worst problem.

The only relief Izuku had these days from the exhaustion and mental torment happened during training. Focusing on fighting seemed to completely stop the voice, at least when the adrenaline was flowing. Bonus? It also helped him forget how tired his body was. As a result of this he also discovered that if he could go to bed completely physically exhausted the dreams would either not happen at all or they would be mild enough that they at least didn't wake him screaming.

Despite finding methods that did work it wasn't practical to train to the point of complete exhaustion every day. He had started asking the strongest members of his class to do extra training with him as often as he could but they were becoming suspicious, and Bakugo was getting jealous. Not wanting to make things any worse for the boy he loved, the successor of One for All changed tactics and reduced the excessive training to only three days a week so as to not worry the others. But of course, less training equaled more soul shattering nightmares.

One Monday the exhausted teen found himself falling down two flights of stairs causing a certain desperation to begin setting in. He was so tired he couldn't even skip the elevator anymore? Luckily, everyone was already gone having left for classes at least twenty minutes earlier so no one was around to see his spectacular face plant into the carpet of the common room. After deciding he would not actually need to see Recovery Girl for his injury he spun around and headed back up to the dorms, but not to his own room. Rather, he went to his ruby-eyed boyfriend's room.

Hardly anyone ever locked their rooms in Heights Alliance. Usually the blonde was one of those who did but these days he left his door unlocked in case his partner decided to change his mind about them sleeping separately. Today, the fiery male's desire to hold his Bunny worked in the invading youth's favor.

Entering the minimally decorated space, Izuku went straight to an unassuming box kept in the top drawer of the dresser. Opening it, he moved a few items around until he found what he was looking for. Kacchan's back-up bottle of sleeping pills. Class 2A's Blasty always had a second bottle of what he called his 'demon pills' on hand. What if the pharmacy was out? What if the class was away at training or he was on a mission and ran out? Katsuki may hate them but he would never be caught unprepared.

Certain that the blonde wouldn't be needing the second bottle any time soon Midoriya put it in his pocket before closing the box and returning it to its place. As he made his way to his own room to deposit his stolen prize he balanced his rising guilt against his desire to just get back to normal.

He knew it wasn't the smartest idea he ever had. He remembered that one night at the ryokan and he saw what the pills did to his seemingly indestructible partner quite frequently these days, but he was desperate. He HAD to get rid of the images of his friends getting hurt by his own hands. He didn't need to feel better, that was unrealistic at this stage as long as he still had his memory. No, he just wanted to be blank. Being blank absolutely had to be better than feeling like he was dying one day at a time. Didn't it? Later that night as darkness fell he recalled the one night he tried the supplement at the dorms a month ago with zero impact. So, he made another shit choice. He would take not one but two of the powerful pills and set himself on a path that would be hard to break from.

For better or worse Deku's experiment worked. The tiny round pills completely knocked him out and stopped both the dreams and the voice. At least until the effects wore off.

The problem was that they did the job a little too well. They not only made him blank enough to get relief from the now almost constant torment, but they also seemed to dull his emotions. At least most of them.

There was a particular incident the second day of his ill-advised experiment that had Izuku questioning his decision to turn to the stolen sleep aids. The boys of 2A were in the locker room and Bakugo literally blew up Kirishima's face when the redhead playfully tried to dance with him. Usually Izuku would scold his partner for being so rough with their friend, regardless if said friend would never be harmed by the low potency blast as long as his hardening quirk was activated. But the greenette just stood by and watched, completely unfazed by the interaction. He had no reaction at all. Not outwardly and not inwardly. No one else in the locker room seemed to notice his lack of response but when the drugs wore off an hour later he was appalled by his own behavior. Or rather, his inaction.

Another concerning side effect seemed to be that while he was experiencing a lack of emotions in situations he would normally be moved by, he was being highly affected in scenarios he would usually ignore. Typically, the freckled youth would never let actions taken during training to heart, but these were not typical times for him.

On the third day of his covert double dosing Katsuki had been forced to physically pull the greenette off of Sato. The smaller male became seemingly incensed after not being able to block a direct hit from the sugar rush quirk user. The ferocity of the response by the emerald-eyed youth took the whole class by surprise.

Normally Deku would have complimented his classmate on the successful hit and analyzed the moves to improve his own response for the future. Instead, he lunged at the taller teen and began using his quirk to punch the very started boy. Mr. Aizawa erased All for One and instructed Dynamight to take the greenette back to the locker room to calm down. The blonde tried to get his seemingly enraged partner to talk about why the incident happened with no results.

It's hard to explain why you did something if you don't fully understand the reason yourself.

Much to Midoriya's displeasure his determined partner had then dragged him off to Hound Dog's office, neither of them having changed from their hero costumes, to talk about the unusual incident and lack of reasoning. Waiting outside the closed door of the intimidating Pro's office, Bakugo nearly wore a hole through the floor with his bouncing leg and pacing. The temperamental teen was growing increasingly concerned with his boyfriend's changing behavior over the course of the last several months. It was like the curly haired boy wasn't even the same youth he grew up with anymore and his own inability to help was beginning to make him desperate.

His guilt over their personal history drove him to make sure the younger male's life was as happy as possible to offset for the last few years. Izuku never deserved to be treated the way the ruby-eyed teen did. He couldn't change the past but damned if he couldn't do everything possible to make up for it.

Katsuki was so sure the pair would be happy together after discovering their mutual feelings. He was so confident nothing would ever come between them. He never could have imagined it would be the greenette himself that would change and drive them apart. Who would?

The explosion quirk user was becoming increasingly convinced that if things continued as they were: not only would the two stop being together romantically, but their Hero partnership would be over before it began. Things needed to change for the better. And soon.