You Drew Stars Around my Scars - Taylor Swifts Daughter

t h i r t y - t w o

I look up and see a man standing in front of me

I'm in shock, I really feel paralyzed, I can't seem to speak or move

"What babygirl? Did you miss me?"

I just stare at him still unable to move

"What gorgeous, do I have something on my face or something? Why do you keep staring at me like that? You look like you just saw a ghost" he says with a smirk across his face

He leans in trying to kiss me but I'm finally able to move

"Leave me alone Jake" I blurt out however I can

"Come on, just one kiss baby" he says and I try to get up but for the first time i notice he's holding my wrist, and he grips it even tighter when I try to leave

"Jake, please just leave me alone" I say almost crying but i don't want to let him see me cry

"Come on on don't act like you don't want to kiss me"

"Jake, please let me go"

"No, I want you to kiss me first"

"Jake you know who my mom is, let me go if you don't want the police to raid this party this moment, if I tell her she's capable of-"

"Of what baby? Defend you like she did the first time? Kas, your mom doesn't give a shit about you, it's time you accept that, or are you going to deny that she spent Christmas with her boyfriend instead of you?"

I had told him how much Christmas meant to me, I had told him about all of our traditions, I bet he put two and two together

None of the swifties had questioned my mom at the game on Christmas although we had shared our traditions with them over the years because they assumed I had just switched dates and spent Christmas with my dad instead of Christmas Eve.

"Your moms a shitty person, she only cares about her boyfriends, she's a slut, and looks like you're following her footsteps" he says squeezing my wrist so hard I wince in pain

I try to yell, but my body seems to have forgotten how to

Jake holds me tightly and presses himself on to me to kiss me and I squirm trying to get out of his hold

"I'll see you soon babe" he says and leaves

I lay on the grass unable to move

What the fuck just happened?

After a few minutes I sit up and chug whatever's rest of my beer trying to alleviate the pain

My moms words from that day linger in my head "hun he raped you"

Slow tears began to stream down my face as I took in whatever my mom had told me.

If my mom thought he raped me, why hadn't she done anything, was Jake right? Did my mom not give a fuck about me?

Or had Jake just gotten in my head?

No, my mom cares about me, i repeated to myself in my head over and over

My mom loves me

She never questioned me about Joe, when I came forward even if she had loved him

My mom loves me I repeated to myself over and over until the words stopped making sense

I began to feel uneasy as I felt an anxiety attack creeping up on me, I hadn't had one since Christmas.

I tried to remind myself to keep breathing, to maintain a breathing pattern, but I couldn't, and that just made it worse.

As I sat on the grass, shaking and unable to breathe, the world seemed to move in slow motion.