Abnormal Little Me (Completed)

Chapter 78: Memories You Never Forget

Hey guys! Longer chapter again but I think you'll like it. I really do even though it took me a long time to write it. The updates might be slower because I'm really trying to focus on school and because I'm currently re-writing the book (let's be honest, my writing improved so much since I started and I'm trying to reduce the number of chapters... I think we might get to a hundred if I continue having so many ideas) Anyway, have fun reading! Don't forget to vote and comment :) Love you all <3

    I woke up utterly confused. I hadn't had nightmares. It had not happened since I dreamt about Rilos in the disappearance room. Featherlike touches on the side of my face and neck. I gazed up, catching sight of Rilos' eyes. He seemed worn out.
    "You did this, didn't you? You stayed awake to protect me against my own mind. You're the reason why I didn't have nightmares."
    "I wish I could do it every night. I wish you didn't have to remember what he did to you every time you fall asleep."
    I crept up and sat on his crossed legs, his arms falling naturally around my waist.
    "This isn't something I'll eventually forget. The scar runs too deep and I don't want you to lose too much sleep because of it. You're losing enough as it is when I wake up screaming and you have to calm me down. What I did yesterday will not help with those, I'm afraid."
    My voice cracked saying the last sentence. Rilos hugged me tighter, placing his lips on my bare shoulder. Clothes appeared on my knees. A large black hoodie, a long-sleeved shirt of the same colour, burgundy pants, warm socks and underwear.
    "Put these on, sweetheart. I want to take you somewhere and it's a bit cold."
    I untangled myself from him and dressed up with what he had given me. I inhaled and smiled.
    "The hoodie smells like you."
    "It is mine after all."
    He took my hand and pulled me against him, burying his nose in my hair. I closed my eyes, focusing solely on the sensation of his body pressed on mine.
    "I like it when you smell like me."
    "You are way too possessive for your own good," I replied, the sentence muffled by his shirt.
    "Maybe, but I don't care and, since you have yet to run away because of it, I don't think you do either."
    The temperature dropped, the wind was swirling around us and I heard waves crashing. The fog limited my vision, but, by the look of it, we were near a cliff. The water was freezing. Wait.
    "Rilos, how can I know that the water is cold?"
    He stopped dead in his track, his eyes widening slightly.
    "I'll tell you after. Don't worry."
    Rilos intertwined my fingers with his and guided me to the end of the land. We sat on the edge, our feet dangling over the ocean.
    "Take a deep breath, sweetheart, and close your eyes. Just listen to my voice. The world is all about cycles. Day and night. Hot and cold. Sun and rain. Love and hate. Life and death. Some cycles can be broken and others can't. In an ideal world, the chase of Death would go on for two hundred years before Death catches Life. Sadly, the world isn't perfect, far from it. Most of the times, Life can't run anymore and Death catches her, but, some times, Life gets hurt and is unable to get back up. Death takes her gently in her arms after Life has planted a piece of her in the ground so she can grow back again. Some times, Life doesn't want to run and decides to meet Death before her supposed end. Some times, people take control of Death and force her to end the cycle. And some times, Life does something she shouldn't have and someone has to tell Death to take her earlier than planned. Both of the latter have the same path. Death takes Life sooner because of someone. The difference lies within the reason. In the first case, the person kills Life without any explanation other than the pleasure of seeing Life meeting Death. The only emotion they feel after that happened is satisfaction. In the other case, the person kills Life because she has done something so wrong that she shouldn't be allowed to continue running. They are doing this, not for themselves, but to protect someone else, and even then, they feel terrible afterwards. Some people aren't made to kill and when they do, it leaves them with a scar they can't always handle. Some are forced due to circumstances and won't be affected by it more than they should. Some kill because they can."
    He pause and sighed.
    "I should have stopped you. I knew how much you would be hurting from doing something like that. You aren't made to kill. You are made to protect and love more than anything."
    "Doesn't protecting implies that I would have to kill eventually? We do have a tendency to get attack and you better believe that I will never hide behind you even if you ask me," I said, placing my head against his shoulder.
    "Yes, but not in this kind of circumstances. You can kill when there is a direct threat but there wasn't any with Cerc. If you had killed him when he was attacking Xalem or Delalie, you wouldn't be suffering as much as you are now because you would have been able to counter-balance the negative with the positive. You could have done the same yesterday, but you aren't able to see the good that stemmed from his death."
    "There was?"
    "Yes, plenty. You brought the abuse to a stop and eliminated the source of it. The problem you have is that, unconsciously, you think anyone could have yield the same results and that's where you're wrong. Lyra, the Betas and Omegas were extremely happy that you were willing to kill for them because you had so much more to lose than anyone else. That's why I won't let you kill again no matter how angry you get and force me to sleep outside. I want to keep your innocence alive. If you kill too much, it will die."
    "I'm not innocent, Rilos. How can I be after what I've been through?"
    "You smile, you laugh, you trust people and you see beauty in the smallest things. I want to protect those because, to me, they are beautiful. You soul is beautiful, Lyra, and I will do everything I can to preserve it. Mikyan is the only person I'll let you kill consciously. I know there's nothing I could do or say to make you change your mind for this one."
    "You're right. He will die from my hand and I won't allow anyone to take my revenge away from me. As for the rest, considering both what you said, even though I really don't like being told what to and not to do, and how I feel after yesterday, I will leave the Dula to you although I would prefer you not hurting yourself by killing either."
    "Even if I say the opposite fairly often, you don't always have a choice, especially in my position. The throne comes with duties that aren't pleasing to take care of. And you're right, I shouldn't tell you what you are or aren't allowed to do. I just don't like you being hurt and killing hurts you."
    I pressed my lips on his arm and looked in front of me. The fog had cleared and the sun was rising above the horizon.
    "Why here? Why did you bring me here specifically to tell me this?"
    "Mainly because I wanted to get you out of the castle, change your mind. And because the story about Life and Death was first told to me here by my grandmother."
    "How old were you?" I asked with a small voice, already scared of his answer.
    "Six, but I was four when I killed for the first time. My aunt had volunteer to go hunt for food for the pack and, unbeknownst to her, I followed her. I was a curious child and had never been out of the cave. I saw an opening and took it. When I caught up to her, she had been cornered and injected with the drug by two men. If she had been human, the drug wouldn't have had an effect on her, but, being a werewolf, she was weakening considerably. They started groping her and Jinary went berserk. Next thing I remember is my grandmother prying open my muzzle to dislodge the arms of the men. I had brought them to the cave along with my aunt, who was, as you know, in no shape to walk. My grandmother asked someone to burry that memory for me. I found it again when I was six and she had to give me an explanation."
    "Four? Stars, Rilos. I'm sorry you had to go through something like that this young."
    "Says the one who was tortured for the first time at age three. It took a long time before I had to kill again, but that kill was worse than the first one. It's the reason why you know how cold the water feels. I've been in it before. It happened not long after I realized that I would get to live way over two hundred years. I also have to admit that I lied to you when I said that I stayed sane all those years. By that time, everyone I knew had died. The people I had grew up with, my friends, my family, all gone and replaced by the next generations. I had a cousin who was still alive and he was someone I trusted and cared for. One day, he lost it and killed three people, including an unborn child. I was the one who invoked the Dula on him and ended his life. He didn't even defend himself. It was the first time I had killed someone since I was four and I felt terrible. I came here to meditate and the more I thought about it, the more I felt that not only his death, but also the three other, were completely my fault. I couldn't stop thinking about this child I hadn't been able to save and my thoughts got darker and darker. Before I knew it, I had jumped from this cliff onto the rocks, which were very sharp back then, and was slowly getting pulled towards unconsciousness. Believe it or not, but you were the one who saved me. I saw your face, clearly, in my mind. You told me to fight and stay strong because you would need me when you would come. I don't know if it was a premonition or simply my mind being delirious but it helped me go through all those years. I went back and built the funeral pyre without any kind of magic. Do you remember what we say at the end of funerals?"
    "Kyosha, never forget."
    "That night was the first time this was said. I said it for my cousin, for the ones he killed and for you. Lyra, never forget that, no matter what, you have me. I will always be there for you. Don't give up."