Step-Daddy

Chapter 42

The next couple of days were so hard without contact with Harry. We'd been notified that the cause of Adeline's sudden death was SIDS. It wasn't our fault and we didn't do anything wrong. That lifted a huge weight off of my back.

But, the sadness was still 100 percent in my heart. Every night I went to sleep thinking of her and while I was sleeping was the only time I got peace from my own thoughts.

If I even slept at all.

Harry brought me a little of my clothes on a daily basis. We didn't talk much, he was sorry for what he said and did but I wasn't feeling sorry for him at all.

Adeline's funeral was today. It was obviously a closed casket and Harry had already paid for the funeral and he said once we started speaking again we would design a headstone for her. It was extremely hard to break the news to my father. Not because he would be sad , but because I still couldn't speak about it without crying my eyes out.

I went to work at the bakery for a couple of days. It was within walking distance, thank God. I was making my own money and hopefully if Harry and I didn't get back together then I would have enough for myself to live off of. I was currently going to be saving money until I could get out of the house Harry is having me stay in.

Today was the day of the funeral. We didn't have a visitation, hell no body would really be there except for Harry's coworkers, a few ladies from the bakery I've come to know, my grandpa, dad, Harry's aunt and uncle, his cousin, and Emerald was coming. I really didn't care if she came. I wasn't going to argue about anything. I wasn't in the mood. Harry even invited his mother, unsure if she would show.

He told me that when he told her she broke down and started crying. She turned it out to be about her and how she's been a bad mother and she apologized for being the way she is and was. Harry said she delivered no sympathy and he didn't want to talk to anyone about it except me, but he couldn't so he called his mother.

I felt bad for not being there, but he pushed me away. I know it seems like I'm over exaggerating but in my mind, he did the worst to me. That hurt my feelings more than anything ever could. You just don't say that to a mother who's child just passed away a few hours earlier.

I know he feels just as depressed about it as I do, but he still hasn't considered my feelings. He's just talked about "imagine how i feel, i needed to get it off my mind. I couldn't take it"

I can't either. But I sat at home alone crying myself to sleep over it.

I told him I hoped a few hours of forgetting everything made him happy. He'd now lost me and his child. At first I wasn't sure if he even cared, but I know he does.

Harry and I went to the funeral home early because we wanted some time alone with her. Just us three in a room. She wasn't really there, but her spirit was. She was in my heart and I could feel her with me. She was watching over me no matter what I did and I still feel like I have to be a good example for her somehow.

Harry had gotten a crisp white , tiny casket for her to be laid to rest in. It had her name up the side of it with roses covering it. Not real ones, but it was just what was on it. A bright pink bow wrapped around the box and it was just so good looking. I didn't help, Harry planned the whole thing. I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't accept it. And I didn't until I was standing in the grave yard to lay her to rest.

There were a plethora amount of flowers and statues surrounding the whole front of the funeral home. Some had been sent and some had been brought here for us. It was a kind gesture for Harry's friend, Niall, to be a pallbearer. Harry and him would carry her out and in to the car to transport her to the grave yard.

I didn't wear makeup because I knew I would cry the whole time. Silently, though. I wouldn't wail throughout the service.

Several people Harry worked with that I'd seen before had come. My small family, his small family, Logan and his mom came for a short bit, too. As much as Harry didn't enjoy it, he still took the handshake and the words from him and his family.

He looked a mess. He probably even looked worse than I did. His hair wasn't washed or styled, he was in a pair of khaki pants and a white button up tucked inside them. His shirt was wrinkly and he carried around a few tissues in his pocket. I'd seen him grab them throughout the time we were there.

His eyes were shot red, he had puffiness underneath them, and he was slouched over. Usually he stood straight and tall like the important man he is. But, not today.

I wore a thin, flowing dress which was about knee length. It was white at the bottom and pink at the top where my chest was. I wore a pair of small white heels. My hair wasn't styled, either. It was just simply tied up in a pony tail. How could I even get ready this morning? How would you expect me to.

Oh, I'm going to my daughters funeral, let me look stunning as ever before. No chance in hell.

We sat through the service , everyone was silent. My father sat beside of me, Harry sat on the other side of me. My father held my hand the entire time. I guess he loved me again because I didn't have a baby.

I wasn't ruining my life anymore according to him. And I guess Harry thought that, too in the beginning. But she turned out to be the light of our lives. I guess she made me realize Harry and I were only hanging on like a piece of floss was tied to each of our pinky fingers. It just wasn't going to hold. We wouldn't last.

Although I was still low key mad at Harry and sad about what he said to me, he was drunk and he was sad and upset. I get where he was coming from. I totally understand his side of the story, but it still hurt and it was hard to forgive him. Half of me thought he was just saying it out of sadness and anger, and the other half of me thinks it is his drunken truth.

But, through it all, we needed each other on this day. No matter what, so when he put his hand on mine I let him keep it there.

After silently crying, hearing Harry cry, and even my father who only held her one time, everyone cleared out and left after hugging Harry and I. Kind words were whispered in our ears as we were embraced in hugs. Some people didn't know me, some people didn't know Harry. But one of us knew everyone there.

It was just a very sad day. So sad it may just bring us together, again.