Narnia Preferences and Oneshots

Edmund Oneshot

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(A/N: Hey guys! I hope you are doing well. My dad is having one of his co-workers and his family over tomorrow so hopefully that will be fun. Also, I've gotten into bullet journaling! I'm already so much more organized. This weekend my mom and I have plans to watch Pride and Prejudice while I do my March spread, so that should be fun. This was a request from Tumblr, but I liked it enough that I'm putting it here. Remember to eat something, drink some water and take your meds! Love you!)

Oneshot: The reader has given herself to other men before and feels like she's given too much of herself away

"Y/N?"

Darn it.

"May I speak with you?" Y/N turned her back to the edge of the balcony, where she had previously been staring out at the dimly lit waters. If she looked, really looked closely, she thought she could see the dorsal fins of dolphins.

Edmund stood there, hair mused with the stress of tugging at it and his cloak, which he normally wore to events like tonight where the windows and doors would be open had been abandoned.

Edmund was careful as he approached Y/N. She had already run off from him once tonight. He had given her some time, mingled with some guests, brooded in his throne per usual. He did debate trying to find her again, as she really hadn't answered his question, but he ended up forging through the crowds of people to find her on the balcony.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, my lord," Y/N said, her hands still clutching the stone railing behind her. She wouldn't meet his eyes. "It was not my intention."

"What have I said about the titles?" He chastised her. She knew full well that he would prefer her to call him Edmund, or by some nickname. "And I'm not upset. I'm just curious as to why you ran away."

"Have you entertained the idea that I just might not like you in that way?" She asked.

He nodded. "And if that is the case, then look me in the eye and tell me."

She couldn't. Because it wasn't true.

What was true was that she liked him, quite a lot, actually. She liked the way he looked, the way he smiled, the smallest and simplest things about him. She hid her infatuation, needing to understand why she had felt so betrayed by her own heart for liking someone like this, in a pure and easy way that felt so natural she wanted to put her all into it because it seemed like it wouldn't take that much effort at all. She didn't understand that.

"Nothing has ever been simple," Y/N said, turning back to the water. Edmund came to stand next to her, his hands grazing the railing. "All throughout my schooling and childhood, everything seemed so complicated and unnecessary. Why do I need to know the slope intercept formula if I'll never use it again? Why do friends turn on people who they used to be so close too? None of it ever made sense. Sometimes, even believing in Aslan was difficult," she admitted. "The relationships I had before I came here seemed easy. There wasn't much too them, really." She took a breath, finally looking at Edmund. "Being with those men, being intimate with them, that was simple. That was easy to comprehend and I understood it and it has helped everything else to seem a bit more simple, but I regret it so much. I regret that I can't have all of my firsts with someone that I really love, someone that I can give myself to, both intimately and emotionally. I regret that I can't have that excitement with anyone, that knowledge that what we are about to do is something new and dangerous but we both want it to be the other so much that it doesn't matter."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Edmund told her, giving her an out from this topic that she didn't seem too fond of talking about.

She shook her head. "No, I want to get it out, and for you to understand. I feel tainted. I don't feel as pure I as would like at this stage in my life, and I know that a lot of people look upon that aspect of people's lives very negatively, but I wish it was a positive thing where I could say that I'm pure and waiting for someone I really love, but at the same time I am-" She paused, not knowing how to word it. "I'm glad that I had those experiences. I can use them to put everything into perspective, but they remind me of the negative opinions and thoughts."

"You're rambling," he gently reminded her. Y/N smiled knowing.

"What I'm getting at is that I'm scared to be in a relationship, because I know that most men want a woman who is pure and untouched."

Edmund scowled at this part. He didn't care if Y/N had previous relations. He had only known her after those relations; he wouldn't change her, or anything that she had gone through, because it had all led to her being here, in front of him.

"I've seen what happens to women who aren't considered 'pure'. They are ridiculed, and if not publically then all who know that she wasn't faithful in her early years always have an underlying attitude of distrust towards her." She now faced him entirely, bolding grabbing his hands in hers. "I ran away, because I don't feel worthy of you. You deserve someone who is pure, who can be your first in everything. And I can't be that for you."

"Y/N, I don't care."

"What?" She did a double take.

"I don't care if I'm not your first, or your second or your third, even," he said, clutching her hands tighter. "All I care about is being your last. And the question isn't whether or not you are worthy of me; it's quite the opposite, actually! You are wise beyond your years. You may have done some things that you regret in some aspects, but everything is easy to understand because of them. You acknowledge that you might have done things differently in the past, but don't spend every second of your life dwelling on it." He smiled that bright smile that she loves at her. "I don't want you to every feel like you aren't worthy, of love or any type of relationship, because you are. Trust me on that.