I Do What I Want (Drarry)

The Letter

The rest of the week flew by much to Draco's resignation. He made sure the contract for the Weasley twins was all set up. Zonko had done as he asked and separated the store from his debts. Draco set up a backup folder that would be sent to the twins in case he was sentenced to Azkaban. It was a name of good lawyers that would help them out and some business advice that would come in handy.

The trial was tomorrow and he didn't know how to tell Harry. Procrastination, what a horrid word. It tricks you into a false sense of security until it's too late and time has run out. Sure, putting everything off till later seems like the solution at the time but it's just a trap. A deadly trap with horrific consequences. Draco always thought procrastination was for the lazy. Slytherin Rule #26: Nothing profitable happens to those who wait. Where did the time go? It felt like just yesterday they were sitting under the stars in the quidditch field pouring out their souls to each other. But at the same time that also felt like a life time ago instead of just a little over a month.

He didn't know how to say it. How do you tell the man you love that there was a chance that everything they have could be ripped away because of cowardly mistakes you made? Is there even a gentle way to tell your boyfriend that you might go to prison? Draco wasn't sure what to do or what to say. All of the cast away fear and anxiousness in the last month came back full force. Draco couldn't shield it if he tried. He could feel Harry's weighted stares on him but he couldn't find the words to reassure him. Was that cowardly?

Draco was swimming in his emotions. He felt like he was drowning and there was no life preserver to save him. Guilt, fear, desperation, and terror are surrounding him on all sides. There is no way out. No light at the end of the tunnel. The emotions mock him, they scream their pleasure at how far Draco has fallen. They laugh at his helplessness that they bring in their wake. Draco can't think, can't rationalize, can't see beyond his own fear. He has lost all mental awareness of where he is. Was he still in Grimwald place or was this his own personal hell? He could no longer see Harry or hear Kreacher's insane mumbling. The smells of the old house that used to comfort him are gone. Now all he can smell is the rotting breath and chill of death that he knows awaits him in Azkaban. The warmth that he used to get from being close to Harry is ebbing away. All he can feel is the cold stone of the cell he knows houses his future. The house has suddenly gone too still, too quiet. No sound. The air has grown thin, it's getting harder to breathe. Has he really drowned? Is that why he can't get oxygen in his lungs? The blood has rushed to his face and his mind is slowly fading. What's happening? Has it already started? Is he already losing his mind? What-

*Smack* The shock of the pain jars Draco out of the endless horrors of his mind. He comes to and realizes he is on the ground gasping for air. His lungs are on overdrive making up for a lack that he hadn't known was happening. Harry and Kreacher hovering over him. Harry has tears streaming down his face and the sight clenches his rapid beating heart. He lifts a shaking hand to wipe the tears away. Harry closes his eyes at Draco's touch causing more tears to fall.

"You weren't breathing. You were having a panic attack. I-I'm sorry I hit you but I didn't know how else to stop the attack." Harry chokes out, eyes still closed and tears still streaming.

"I'm sorry!" Draco breathes and suddenly he is crying too. Harry clutches Draco to him pulling him into his lap. Draco isn't sure if he is apologizing for scaring Harry or for not telling him about the trial. Or for being such a cowardly git in the first place.

It doesn't matter because Harry is kissing his tears away. "It's okay. I know, I'm scared too." Harry whispers. Draco squints through watery eyes. "You knew?" He rasps out in shock. Harry nods his head vehemently. "Yes I knew. You didn't want to tell me for a reason so I respected that. I-I love you Draco!" Harry cries out desperately as the tears start flowing again. Neither boy noticing Kreacher leaving to give them privacy.