"Minx! How are you? You're beautiful!"
"Hi, I'm good. How are you?" I smiled as he gave me a hug and I felt swallowed by him as I forgot how big he was compared to me.
"I'm doing well, come inside!" Jack smiled.
I nodded and followed him inside.
"So... what's this all about?" I asked him nervously.
"I've just missed you. I know what we had was short and scandalous, but I've missed you. I fought it back for a few years, scolding myself whenever I thought about you, but I can't do that anymore. I know you and Joe are together, but I miss how open we were with each other, how instantaneously comfortable we were with each other, just everything."
"Okay? And what do you expect me to do? I have everything right now. I have my four kids and Joe. Do you expect me to up and leave all of that for you? An affair I had seven years ago? I enjoyed what we had, but you have to realise that it was all very wrong and I have to live with that regret that I continuously cheated on my husband after assuring him otherwise. We've built trust between us again and I don't think I can throw that away."
"Oh, uhm," Jack stuttered, taken back by my assertiveness.
"I'm sorry Jack, I really am. I had feelings for you, a lot of feelings, but I can't do this all over again."
"Did you ever love me?" Jack asked.
"What?"
"Did you ever love me?" He reiterated.
"Jack, love is such a strong word. I love Joe. I love my kids. I don't think I ever loved you. Infatuated? Maybe, but that's not the same thing, that's based off lust rather than putting someone else's happiness before your own and building together. What we had was a fling where I got a bit tangled in feelings, but it should've never gotten to that point, I'm sorry for that. But no, I never loved you."
"But Minx..." Jack said quietly.
"Jack, you're honestly a great guy, you're caring, sweet, handsome, you should have no problem getting yourself a good girl out there. But that girl is not me, so I need you to move on. That was seven years ago. You're capable of finding a girl and settling down with her."
I don't know why I seemed to be fueling his ego or self esteem. He just seems so disappointed. He really, really, must've gotten caught up in his feelings if he thought I would be able to get up and leave everything I have for him.
I did have feelings for him, at one point, I may have been able to say I loved him, but I would never tell him that, I don't want to give him a hope that there's still any there, because there isn't.
Going back to what I said about at one point I may have been able to say I loved him. To clarify, it would've been a false sense of love. The kind of "I love you" that's exchanged by 13 year-old's. As much as you want to believe it could be true, it most likely isn't . Infatuation is most definitely more of the correct word. However, at the time I would've thought it was an adolescent love. But anyway, it was infatuation solely because the premise on which we met, it was a hook-up. I let it grow into something it wasn't. I let him around my kids and confided things to him that I shouldn't have told him. Yes, I regret it, but I can't take back what happened.
I grabbed my bag and keys and got up to leave.
"Minx, wait, please... Can we at least be friends?" Jack stuttered.
"Jack, I don't think that'd be a good idea... for you," I explained, "If what you just said is true, then it'll just hurt you for us to be friends, and also I don't think it would be a good idea, for the sake of Joe, for us to be friends," I shook my head.
