Colors // Joshler

// 20. So Often Alone //

Trigger Warning: I don't know if I'd call it a panic attack, but Tyler has a negative reaction to loud noises in this chapter and the next.

The next morning, Tyler woke early so he could work on the painting he'd started last night. The painting featured a faceless boy standing in an empty school hallway, backpack over his shoulders. Tyler painted the whole thing entirely in different shades of purple, particularly lavender.

He never painted faces on any of the people in his paintings. He didn't like painting a person's face--it somehow never came out right, could never capture the emotion of the painting as well as the colors.

Mostly, the only person Tyler ever painted was himself. He lived by a particular quote from the Mexican painter Frida Kahlo: "I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best."

This painting was a bit more complicated than some of Tyler's paintings. There were lots of different colors to add, delicate brushstrokes. By the time he had to leave for school, it still remained incomplete. Maybe he'd have enough time to finish it tonight.

Tyler didn't listen to his music as he walked to school. Instead, he walked in as much silence as he could get. Dark gray clouds covered the sky, hinting at rain later, but Tyler hadn't brought his raincoat. 

It was just one of those days.

He entered the school just on time, and the halls were filled with other students. Compared to the near-pure quiet of the world outside, the school was loud with the voices of a hundred teenagers.

Tyler fumbled around in his backpack for a few minutes until he found his beanie, which was bright red. He always wore it at home if his siblings were being loud, if his mom was vacuuming, or if some other loud sound was bothering him. He'd tuck the soft knit edges of the hat over his ears, and it would comfort him.

But here, in the halls, it didn't help. The other students were just too loud. Feeling strongly orange, Tyler stopped caring if anyone else saw him, and he covered his ears with his hands.

He tended to be sensitive to loud noises, particularly man-made ones. The uncomfortable feeling inside him continued to grow more and more until he could no longer take it. Hands still clamped tightly over his ears, Tyler ran.