Colors // Joshler

// 58. Almost Indigo, But More Purple //

Tyler lingered in the garage for a moment, watching the rain drip down from the eaves. It was really coming down now, and he hoped silently that Josh would get home okay.

Reluctantly, he turned and slowly entered the house. His mother was sitting at the kitchen table with her hand on her head. Nervousness swirled around in Tyler's stomach as he carefully approached and took a seat across from her.

He was distinctly aware of how different they were, in that one moment. Really, he felt rather alienated. He was still soaking wet from the run home, but his mother either didn't notice or didn't care about the rainwater dripping onto the tile floor.

"I don't..." Tyler's mother sighed, and rubbed her eyes. She suddenly looked much older. "I don't really know what that was, Tyler. I thought that boy--"

"Josh," Tyler interrupted, lifting his head slightly with a flicker of maroon bravery. "His name is Josh."

"Josh," she corrected, which made Tyler feel a little better. "I thought Josh was your friend."

The maroon feeling disappeared, and Tyler lowered his head again. "He was."

There was a brief silence as Tyler's mom took in what that meant. 

"Are you gay, Tyler?"

He searched her gaze for anger, or distress, but found only confusion and concern. "I don't know."

"But you like this boy?"

He nodded.

Another brief pause.

"I'm glad you've made a friend," Tyler's mother said slowly, as if trying to pick the right words. "It's clear that he's opened up your world a little more, and that's good. But you're just...a little young for this, you know?"

He didn't. "Young for what?"

"For...experimenting." She said this in a calm tone, but something about it gave Tyler a brief shock of purple. "For just going around and kissing people regardless of their gender. There's plenty of time for that later, okay?" she added, almost like a bribe.

"So what are you saying?" Tyler's throat grew tight, and he raised his voice a little. "Are you saying I can't talk to him anymore?"

"No, of course not," she assured him, and he felt briefly relieved. "Having a friend is good for you. But I want him to be your friend for now, okay? If he comes over, you have to leave your bedroom door open, and you can't go over to his house unless one of his parents are there. Just...be friendly. Do you understand?"

Violet-blue shame burned through Tyler. It was almost indigo, but more purple. He looked down, not saying a word.

"Oh, Tyler," his mother sighed, and Tyler found himself blinking hard a few times so he wouldn't cry. His mother put her hand on his arm. "It's okay to be gay, okay? But you're just too young right now. I know you probably don't really understand why, but you will when you're older."

She glanced at his shirt, as if finally realizing that he was still soaked from the rain. "Go upstairs and put on some dry clothes, okay?"

Tyler quickly got up from the table and walked over to the stairs. He found himself gripping the railing a little harder than normal as he took a few steps upwards.

"Tyler?"

He stopped, then slowly turned his head back.

"I love you." His mom gave him a smile, but it seemed to Tyler to be more of a peace offering than a real gesture of affection.

He swallowed. "Love you, too." Tyler turned and ran upstairs before she could try to stop him again.