Walk All Over You

Chapter Seventy

Living after midnight, rockin' to the dawn
Lovin' 'til the morning, then I'm gone, I'm gone

Hours later I was standing in the women's bathroom of one of the nightclubs. Alan had managed to book the entire club out so that it was only the two bands, myself and Angry. I stared at my reflection, wearing a tight black strapless dress and pair of matching stilettos. In my opinion I looked like hell, like I had been crying non-stop for weeks and had bugger all sleep. I looked almost sickly once more. But that wasn't what was bothering me the most, what was bothering me the most was that with every feature I had, I hated. I felt more than ugly, I felt very overweight as well. I could have sworn that my arms were as thick as my thighs, that my stomach was just as large as the typical beer belly, lovehandles, flab. I looked absolutely horrible.

I took the city 'bout one A.M,
Loaded, loaded
I'm all geared up to score again,
Loaded, loaded

"Suzie-Q, you alright in there?" A voice yelled from behind the bathroom door. I kept quiet and still, watching my reflection look back at me. Hideous, if anyone were to take a long look at me now they would agree.

It had to of been several minutes more before the door swung open and there in the doorway stood a concerned Axl.

"You doing alright, Sue? You've been gone for ages." Axl held onto the door, his eyes scoping me as I looked in the mirror.

I come alive in the neon light
That's when I make my moves right

"I'm fine." I lied.

Axl scoffed and removed himself from the doorway, approaching me by the bathroom sink. He was looking very sarcastic now. "Don't bullshit me." Axl's eyes pierced into mine through our reflections. I wrapped my arms around my body, feeling awfully uncomfortable. Axl looked at me as if I had two heads, that's before he grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him.

"What's going on with you? I've never seen you act like this, this in particular." Axl's eyes look me up and down, he could see that I wasn't my usual self, regardless of how much I would be also dreading the night.

"What do you mean? I'm as I usually am." I peel my eyes from him, staring directly behind him.

Living after midnight, rockin' to the dawn
Lovin' 'til the morning, then I'm gone, I'm gone

Again Axl rolled his eyes and let out another agitated sigh. His eyes looked away from me as there was silence, other than the blaring song from Judas Priest. "Look, I get what's got you so upset! I mean we are all going through it! But this is different, what's wrong with you? I've never seen you like this."

"Look Axl, I'll be fine. Why don't you go back out to the others? I'll be out soon." I say sounding a little impatient.

"Sue-" Axl began.

"Axl, just get out." I turn away from him and look into the mirror.

Got gleaming chrome, reflecting steel,
Loaded, loaded
Ready to take on every deal,
Loaded, loaded

Axl's expression faltered, but he nodded and left without another word. With a shaky breath, I gazed at myself in the reflection. Still as ugly as I looked before. Biting the insides of my cheeks, I took a deep breath and stood up straight. Boobs out, head high, no slouching. It was bad enough that Axl came in questioning, I didn't need the rest of them questioning me.
Attempting to straighten out my dress, hoping that it would somehow magically hide the flabby belly of mine.

My pulse is racing, I'm hot to take
This motor's revved up, fit to break

Still staring at myself, I felt my shoulders slump back down and my posture drop. Regardless of what I did, I was still horrible. It was wonder how Nikki somehow loved me, I mean, I didn't even love me. At this point, I could barely stand myself. I didn't feel beautiful or smart, I felt like a drowned rat and as dumb as a doornail.