33. Secret Project

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"Geo," I said in a low tone.

"Woah what's wrong? You were just happy," he said. He thought he did something. What he really wanted to say was: What did I do now? It hurt to know that he thought that my unhappiness was his doing.

"I just want us to be on the same page," I said.

"What do you mean? Are we not?"

"The baby?" I questioned.

"Oh. Yeah, I just want you to thin...,"

"Geo I'm not thinking about anything. I'm seriously not ready," I said.

He just shook his head. He is really serious about this and is being so stubborn.

"How do you know you're not ready for something that you have never tried?"

"What do you mean? It's not like a 30-day trial. It's for life."

"If you try you will be good at it. I just know it. You will be the best mom," he smiled.

"I won't Geo," I said.

"You will."

"Geo I don't know how to parent. My parents never taught me how to do it right," I said.

He looked at me, "Baby I.."

He was cut off by me sniffling.

"Why are you crying?" He asked.

"How am I supposed to birth and raised a child when I never got a good example of how to do it? Look how I turned out. I don't want my child to end up like me," I sobbed.

"You turned out great babe. You just need a little extra help every once and a while," he said.

"I don't want my child to need any extra help," I said.

"It's okay. It's okay," he said wiping the tears from my eyes. "You will not be your mother. You will be you. A bright, caring, wonderful, supportive, proud, and motivating, mother."

I nodded and I tried to believe it but I couldn't. I won't be a good mother.

He grabbed me and held me tight.

Thinking about it more and more, my sobs became a cry.

"It's okay my love, let it out."

I listened and my cries became louder and uglier.

"Okay stop crying now," I heard Geo voice cracked.

I couldn't stop. I was still crying loud and ugly.

"B-baby, stop crying," he said, voice still cracking.

I felt a tear that was out of my tear's reach. I looked up and Geo had tears going down his face.

"Why are you crying?" I asked.

"I don't know. Seeing you so sad," he took a second to wipe his nose. "It hurts."

I did an emotional laugh, "I guess we are both just big crybabies."

"Yeah," he laughed a bit too. I wiped his tears and at the same time he wiped mine.

He held me tight again, "I just love you so much and seeing you sad, even mad, any emotion besides happy just makes me sad."

I somehow found a way to smile. A real smile. He truly cares.

"You care about me," I smiled

"I do. I have," he hugged me.

"I love you so much Juwany," I said.

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