I'm Not A Fan (BTS x reader)

Chapter 78- My choice?

I placed my palm over my rapid heartbeat, I heaved out a sigh, "eomma.... Do you think.. Umm... (***) would be the right person for me?".

She smiled to me, "him? Do you like him?". I shifted my gaze away, "well, there're times when I can feel my heartbeats faster when I'm next to him or close to him, this feeling is unusual for me".

Mom then hold my hand, "your heart beats for him, is it?.... You know, you remind me of myself when I was younger. I first met your dad when he come to my gallery, I never really contacted with guys before except for your dad. Other guys would flirt me by showing their false interest in my drawings but your dad was different, he was really interested in my drawings, I saw his sincerity from his fascinated eyes, he showed me the most earnest smile that I've never seen in my life and I was really interested in him, your dad was a charming person just like the guy you like", mom kissed my forehead gently with her gentle smile.

Woah.... I was speechless.

To think back, if it actually is a good thing to choose him over the other guys, I just hoped the others would accept the fact.

But won't there be a huge jealousy if I chose him over the others. They would question, what's there in him that they didn't have?

I can just end my life here and watch over them from here.

I can also continue my life there and be with them, listening to their laughter and jokes and their songs and see their dance.

But here is also nice, I can see whatever I want without having to wait for them to be there altogether.

But I also want them to flash me their smiles, their beautiful and happy smile when they're together, when they enjoy their time. How about Seola? If I chose to just end my life, what's going to happen to her? Won't she be lonely? But she still have them, the Bangtan members, they can cheer her up, right? Without my presence, she'll be okay, right?

If I'm here, will I be happy the way I was when I'm with them? I want to feel tired, sad, love, happy and content, if I stay here, will I feel all of those things?

If I chose to live, can I seriously handle how hard it is to chose him over the others? Or should I just chose none and only choose Seola instead, she's been with me through sad and happy moments, she's been there for me, she never left me alone except if there's someone close to me with me that time.

My head is spinning while thinking of this things.

Darn it!

It's my choice!

I can wake up!

And stay with them or just don't wake up and stay here, but I really want adventure.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

This decision is soooo hard!

Decision to live or to die.

If I chose to die, then I might leave scars on them, I don't want them to be sad nor do I want daddy and Seola to be sad.

Mom did said, she already made us worried and that's why she didn't want me to make the others worried. If I make the others worried then, it's really my fault.

"eomma, should I stay here with you?", I asked. She looked at me with a smile, "it's your decision, just make sure you won't regret your decision cu'z when you make that decision, there's no turning back".

I thought again hardly.

Then it clicked, my decision were made and I didn't wait any longer and I told mom what my decision was.

She, like any mother would be, approved of my decision.

And my decision is........

[Miru's note:~ your decision is basically your decision~ whether you want to live with your daddy and your love and just move on or you would rather stay with your mom who had left you for more than 7 years because of how you miss your mom? Let me tell you this, your mom did mentioned to you about how she really cares for your future, but yeah~ it's your decision and don't worry, I'll make 2 decisions for you to pick your ending, proceed~]