Dawn of Us [18+] | WATTYS 2019 ENTRY

Chapter Eighteen

How else was I supposed to react?

Knowing that Axel has schizophrenia scares me. Not because there's a possibility that he might hurt me (not that I think he will) like what his mother did to him but because I don't know what goes on in his mind.

I am scared for him.

He says the things he sees are always there with him. In his car, his house, even when he goes to mine. They always follow him. And I just can't imagine what life is for a person who has schizophrenia. Those monsters that he sees are only a product of what he has but he told me that at times, they say stuff that are hurtful and horrific and that sometimes they can be manipulative.

Somehow, I feel sorry for him even though I shouldn't be. He doesn't want me to be, even when he doesn't tell me, I know that he doesn't.

My eyes stared at Axel while he drives and they linger down to his tattoos. I've seen these before but I never took the time to really look into them. I would want to explain what they look but I can't understand them.

We were heading back to my house after receiving a text message from aunt Mary saying that she heard about what happened at the club and she apologized for not keeping an eye on me. But it wasn't her fault, that could have happened to anyone at the club, not just me but I guess I was lucky enough to have someone save me.

Of course, she asked who I was with and lying was not an option. I told her about Axel and how we're friends excluding the sexual parts, of course. She wants to meet him and that's why we're heading to my house.

"Are you okay?" He asks, sliding his hand to mine, his eyes still focused on the road.

I nod, looking at our hands then to him. "Yeah. I am." I say, tightening his grip on my hands. "I was just wondering about how you managed to be so calm and collected having, you know..." I said, not saying the word.

He shook his head as he gave me a glance and then focuses back on the road. "At first it wasn't easy, of course because I started hearing these voices, not knowing where they come from. But it wasn't knew. At 17, I already had an idea on what was happening to me since I saw that in my own mother but still it was disturbing. There were times where I would talk back to them to have that feeling that I can control them but when I did, they became stronger to the point where they somehow manipulate me to do things that I didn't normally do. And that's when I learned to not mind tge voices in my head and they'd stop and sometimes, I don't hear them and I was okay." He stopped at the red light and he looked at me. "Or so I thought. The voices were gone but I started hallucinating things, people. There's this little boy that keeps following me. Before I knew or realized what he was, I thought he was lost and I talked to him not knowing what I got myself into. At first it was okay because I thought he was being a friend, someone that I could talk to but then he started telling me what to do, compromising my relationship with my friends and even with my relationship with Jessica." He steered his eyes away when he mentioned the name, pausing for a bit.

I realized that this Jessica was someone he cared for just by the way he reacted and the way his eyes sparkled when he said the name. And somehow I feel... jealous.

I looked away as he turned his eyes back at me, disconnecting my hand from his.

"I thought the boy was the only one but he wasn't. Months had passed since the first appearance of Foy, the kid, and I started hallucinating about these people with distorted faces, bloodshot eyes, stitches across their bodies, while being pale and grey in color. They didn't speak or say anything unlike Foy but they would stand from one corner of the room to the other and would just stare at me. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to sleep and I got paranoid, thinking of what they would do to me. But just like the voices and my prior knowledge of what I had, I learned to just go with it, to not mind them. I think of them as a spark and I'm the gasoline. If I throw myself to them, they will become fire."