Dawn of Us [18+] | WATTYS 2019 ENTRY

Chapter Fifty-Two

AXEL

"Going with me to the trip would be great for you. You've done therapy for this week, surely, a three-day break would not hurt you." Adam said as he took a glass of whisky with him, sitting on the couch by the window.

Adam is my cousin, probably the only one who I've become close with. Of all my cousins, he's the one who have not tried to take advantage of the attention I have around me. Being a son of an influential person allows me to get in and out of all the events in the world. Most people just love what comes with it. He was also the only one who accepted me when the news of my condition broke out.

After everybody knew about my situation, they just flew and never came back. But not him. He treated me as his big brother. Even when I'm the one who should protect him, he defends me all the time. Since then, he has been there for me no matter what.

He scoffed with a side smile. "Is this about the girl?" He asked.

I looked at him. "Violet?"

"Who else, bro? As far as I know, the moment you met her, you've never been with another woman ever." He replied.

I looked down, trying to get rid of Violet's crying face the day I left her.

"I know, I know, you're not supposed to talk about her." He said, realizing that hearing Violet would just remind me of this stupid schizophrenia that I have.

I heard him sigh. "Look." He said, standing up and moving towards me. "You are not a bad person. What you have does not define who you are, okay?"

"I left her there, crying. I heard she passed out after that. All because of me." I said, my fist curling up at the thought of me hurting the only other person who accepted me wholeheartedly.

"Axel... You promised to get better right? Then do it. You can't get better if all you do is pity yourself and degrade yourself." He said. "Don't ever lose your sight on that goal. " He added.

I do want to get better for Violet. I want to marry her. I want to have a family with her and love her, serve her for the rest of my life. Being with her is just pure bliss. Being with her feels like nobody could hurt me. Being with her gives me purpose.

I just didn't want to hurt her. Two days before I saw her, I had an attack. It was the worst one after years of having this thing inside my head. I didn't have any control of myself. I let myself go and almost killed myself again. I was rushed to the hospital because of intoxication. While I was laying there, I realized that if Violet stayed with me, I'd only hurt her. What if I finally killed myself? What effect would that have on her?

She wouldn't be happy with me. She'll never be truly happy with me. What if I end up hurting her physically? I never would but what if this becomes stronger? If I can't even control myself from hurting myself, how will I control myself from hurting her? I don't want to be a burden to her. I don't want to stop her life from moving onwards just because of me.

That is why I am doing my best to get better so that I could get her back and on that day, I'll be confident that she'll be safe with me. This is all for her and our future together.

"I don't want to stir you or anything bro, but have you ever thought that by the time you are ready to see her again, what if it's too late? What if she has moved on? Are you ready for that? Are you ready to see her with somebody else?" Adam blurted.

I turned to him, dumbfounded. That thought never actually crossed my mind. "I don't want to think about that yet." I replied, taking in a big breath. "I haven't put a thought on that."

Somehow, something was funny because Adam laughed. "It's funny how you suddenly became uncertain about things, Axel. I've known you for YEARS and this is the only time you've been truly scared." He said.