Dawn of Us [18+] | WATTYS 2019 ENTRY

Chapter Thirty-Five

We laid there on the couch for about 15 minutes in silence.

All I could ever do was feel his heart beat while I was nestled on his chest, his arms around me, his presence filling me.

Of course, he was fidgeting with my fingers which gave tender tickles to my spine.

"I thought you hated me." He said, breaking the silence.

My head immediately looked up to him, although his eyes were still fixated on the painting. "What? How could you say that?"

He shook his head a bit. "I don't know." He said, vulnerably. "I just thought that after hurting you, you would just not feel the same way for me, that you would fear me, and that you'd never come back."

I took a deep sigh as I brought my head back to his chest. "But you didn't hurt me. Remember?" I said, tugging on to his shirt as I forced myself not to break down into a million pieces. I'm just so tired of hearing the words 'hurt' and 'me' all in the same sentence as the name 'Axel'. Because I know he wouldn't.

"I almost did. And you can't deny the fact that at that point, at that night, you feared me. You were afraid of me and the monster that I was turning in to." He said, sadness and anger in his voice. "I saw it in your eyes and the way you looked at me."

I was silent.

Maybe because I know I can't lie to myself.

I was afraid of him.

But that's not what makes me feel so bad.

I should've let him explain, I should've let him defend himself. But no. I had to act like I was the victim. I made myself believe that it was Axel's fault when in fact, it was mine. I was the one who brought him to the party even when he didn't want to. In short, I forced him to be somewhere he didn't want to be.

"But... I never should've done that to you. I got out of my temper and just lost it. I couldn't bear see you with some drunk guy who isn't me. I guess, I just got a bit jealous again." He apologized.

I looked up to him. No words were coming out of my mouth.

A part of me knows that he's trying hard not to say it. He's hiding the fact that what happened that night was not because of him, but because of what he sees and hears. And if his dad was right, he hasn't taken his medications for about 6 months now. Which could've affected his control over the hallucinations that he constantly has.

And at that night, I did not put that ito consideration. I placed what I felt first ahead of me. I prioritized what I felt at that situation and fed what he believed at that time by arguing with him when in fact, it was not him but rather the voices he calls his monsters.

My eyes lingered to every part of his face---- to his lips. "I missed you." I said.

He smiled, softly.

"I was worried that you might have done something to yourself again because of me." My hand slid to his neck, feeling the warmth of him through my palms.

He took a deep breath, as if he was thinking deeply about something. He sat up straight, pushing me a bit out of his way.

I felt my heart pound at the slight rejection. My eyes made its way to the painting of him and I that was infront of us. "I didn't know you could paint." I said, standing up and moving my way to the canvass.

I felt Axel stand up behind me. "Remember the night at the party?" He asked to which I nodded briefly. "I had plans for us that night."

My body slowly turned towards him as he spoke.