When It Comes To You |j.k

64: 浴室

『在玻璃櫥窗內看著你，我想陪你淋雨，但是沒有門，這裡沒有門。 』

"Watching you from inside, I wish I could soak in the rain with you, but there's no door. There's no door here."

***

"Aera?"

This is the morning I lost half of my heart. It dropped at this very moment, and I haven't been able to get it back since.

"Aera?" I shook the woman in bed next to me. She was sweating furiously, eyes shut as tears flowed down at a pace I've never seen before. Her whole body shook as fearful cries left her lips.

You never know how much you don't want to see your other half in pain until you really experience it. I never want to see her so afraid again, but it's engraved into my mind, and my heart will always ache at the thought of it.

I grip onto her shoulders tightly, because I can't have her stay in such a nightmare, but also because I cannot control the panic running through me. Her arms were burning hot and wet of sweat as I held them.

Her eyes finally snap open, and I let out an exhale of relief. More tears leave her eyes when she snaps them back shut as I pull her into my embrace, grooming my fingers through her hair. We rocked back and forth as I pampered her in my arms, "It's fine now, we're at home. You're safe now." I tried telling her through shaky breaths. She was still shivering, what do I do? What's happening to her?

Aera sweat relentlessly during her sleep, so I suggested she take a shower. After failing to get a response from her other than inaudible stutters, I decided to wash her myself. She was a lot heavier than usual when I carried her onto my back, considering her whole body was limp.

After peeling off her pyjamas, I carefully placed her into the lukewarm bath that I'd prepared beforehand. Making sure she's comfortable already, I crouch and kneel on the bathroom floor with a grunt.

Aera turns her head to look at me, and opens her mouth to talk with her chapped lips, "I'm sorry."

Knowing only words of annoyance would leave me if I replied, I stayed silent and instead reached for the shampoo bottle. Aera knows I hate it when she apologizes for things that she shouldn't have to. It irritates me.

"Turn around." I tell her as gently as possible. Aera abided, now facing the wall as I began kneading at her scalp. I tried replicating the massages I used to get weekly as a teenager, when my family was still whole. Veins on my arms protruded as my thumb rubbed against her head.

I don't think the me at the time would expect this future. That I would one day be the one massaging someone else's head, and that it'd be Aera. I knew I wanted her in my life as long as possible the moment I saw her, but to say I expected that to come true would be a lie.

She's still here, and she's wearing my ring. But she's suffering, and it's because of me. I don't think either of us has ever been fully happy, or will ever be.
I've never wanted to be wrong as much as I do now.

"What did you dream about?" I asked hesitantly as I scooped up handfuls of water and wet her skin.

It was after a few moments of silence that she answered, "It was nothing crazy..." She swallowed dryly, pale hands rising to hug herself, "I think we were by a lake. There was nobody there with us, but there were camera flashes everywhere, literally everywhere...and I could hear people crowding in around us. I tried closing and opening my eyes, but it was all the same..."