Befriending the Gangster // S.W.H (#21)

Fourteen

YiSeul

I looked at him and he looked at me, the Soju bottle still in his hand and I looked down at his bottle. That went on for like 15 seconds before I heard a stifle coming from him, his eyes were glistening and overflowing with tears. He placed the bottle down on the floor and then covered his face with his hands, he began sobbing hard, like a little kid.

It only took less than 10 seconds to process everything in my mind before I start to walk forward out of the will, sat down next to the sobbing child and placed my arms around him. I am hugging him, an action that I would never do in years to come. I didn't know why I was even doing this for, I didn't like crying and especially seeing other people cry.

Even though I don't like to see people break down in front of me, I feel for them. Their pains, their sorrows were all shown just by their cries, their cries for help. They wanted us to help them even if we were just next to them and doing nothing. Our presence is comforting enough for them, doing nothing than just to be next to them.

I was like that after both my parents had been killed in a car accident and SeonHo and I was only left with each other, I wanted someone to help me with my pains and sorrows, I wanted someone to feel the same as me and help me relieve my pain from losing my loved ones, the two parents who I so loved suddenly left our sides without any warning and they will never come back again.

I would've been better if a fellow friend were next to me while I was suffering internally and financially but there was no one, all I have is fake friends who pretended to feel sad for me and my brother and they haven't helped me not even once.

All they did is just to cry in front of me when I told the truth about me and my brother being orphans without any relatives helping me and then making fun of me behind my back, mocking me that my parents must have hated me so much that they would die and not want me because I'm a burden. A burden to my family.

So I became a gangster at the age of 16, out of force because of one thing. I had to survive, by all means, my parent's savings accounts were running out fast and there was no one depositing any money into the account so it ran out fast in less than 5 years.

In order to not SeonHo starve it suffer, I had no choice but to go down to the bad path. I can suffer but SeonHo can't ever do that, he is my younger brother. He has a bright future and I don't want him to be a bad kid just like me. And so, I have neglected myself in the process, making me seem like a failure while my only brother is seen as the genius. He shouldn't even be my younger brother so he can be someone better than me.

Everything changed when I met him and my paternal aunt who came back all of a sudden without any notice wanting to take care of me and SeonHo, I hated her at first but she was the one that made me realize how much I needed someone to care for me. I became like that dependent 15-year-old girl who loves to whine a lot, that me that didn't have to worry about anything.

And now there's him, who is the same as me. He may seem like he has been living the life that he wanted, a rich mother who makes a lot of money and he lives on his own without any worries and he just went to have dinner with his mother on his birthday.

But he is crying because he isn't happy at all, he isn't happy with how his life had turned out. He didn't like his life nor did he chose it himself.

"You must be happy that you have no parents to suddenly give you a wedding invitation out of the blue and expect you to accept it." He spoke after a long 20 minutes of sobbing, his voice is cracking a little and he was trembling. He must not have let out his emotions for quite a while.

"Your mother, she--" I replied and I immediately got cut off by him. "Yep, found another man and decided to get married without even introducing him to me until a few weeks before they are going to get married."

"I'm so sorry..." I apologized to him, I'm never the type to apologize to each other. I don't feel the need to do that especially the person is at fault, why would I want to apologize when I am not in the wrong??

"Don't say sorry. It is my life, you have nothing to do with it and I hate my life. A lot. I have no control over anything I have, I have to transfer schools whenever she wants me to, I moved homes when she wants me to. I don't even remember my first home since I have moved around Korea so often. I don't even have friends whom I can trust, I would've transferred even before I get to know them fully." He reached for the Soju bottle which is placed down on the floor and I grabbed it before he could do that.

I clutched the Soju bottle close to myself. "Stop drinking. You will regret it the next morning..."

"Who cares?? It is my life..." He scoffed. "It is none of your business."

He reminds me a lot about myself and the choices that I have made, he is such a good student that never talked back to any teachers and did whatever he was asked to do. It would be good if he gets to do whatever he wants but he might regret it later in life.

"It is part of my business," I told him. "Since you have already told me about your secret." I want to befriend you... To be your friend...