Befriending the Gangster // S.W.H (#21)

Thirty-two

Wonho

I hated my mother, I really do and I truly detested her with my whole life because she made me feel bad about myself when she decided to put her career over her own son that she gave birth to. She was a very selfish career woman, she was that selfish that she choose everything for me without ever asking me about it, she has never asked me if I wanted to do this or not.

All she did all these years after my father left this world is to decide everything for me and I will follow it like a robot, if she decides to transfer me to another school because of her work, I will follow it because I had no choice, I had no way of protesting because I am her son and she only has me in the world. But I am getting tired of her selfish decisions and I am getting older, I can't allow her to control my life like how she has done it over the years.

I rarely had the time to talk to her on a daily basis nor do I have anything to talk about, other than the fact that I am her son, I don't have anything in common with her and it is evident that we don't have a normal relationship like how a regular mother and son should have. When she does call me, it would be in class or after school and she would give me orders about what I should do with my life, I always don't have that say in this because I thought that she was  being helpful and she had planned out my entire future for me and I need not worry about anything else
but this is not what I wanted anymore.

I have my own right to decide what I want and I don't want my mother to control me anymore, it is a toxic relationship that we are having and it shouldn't be like this at all and it is best that I stop her from controlling me like this. I have to let her know that I have the right to live my own life in my own way and I have the right to decide my own future without anyone controlling me, not my mother has the right to do that.

But it seems harder than I had thought as I am caught in another sticky situation that I find it hard to walk away from, I can't ignore my mother's calls even if I want to, she is still my mother. And I have made a huge mistake by answering her call.

"Yes, mother?" I calmed myself down before answering the call, I literally had to run away from Yiseul who was the living room win me, she doesn't like my mother because she is too controlling to me and she would kill me off this instant if she finds out that I am on the phone with my mother.

"How are you coping with your life these days? Is the school being enjoyable for you?" I wanted to say that I am wanting to give up on life and cut off ties with her right after this phone call and delete her number from my contacts but I can't, I have to show her that I am still alive to be able to make my own decisions.

"I am doing fine, the exams are coming up so I am studying really hard to get into the university that you wanted me to get into," I replied to her. "How's your life?"

"Great, I am doing quite well in my life and my career." She paused for a moment and she cleared her throat. "Wonho, I was wondering if you are free this weekend? I am thinking of letting you meet his entire family since it is nearing the wedding and it would be a good time to bond with his family before the wedding."

I let out a sigh, so silent that she couldn't hear it from the other side of the phone call. I just know that she had something on her sleeve to be calling me on a wonderful Friday night, she has been silent about the wedding for quite a while and I thought that she was too busy with her work that she didn't have the time to call me but it turns out that she was busy preparing for her wedding instead and she has plans to get me involved in the wedding.

"Omma, I would love to but I am busy as you can see, I have my exams to prepare for. I think that I would miss this chance and that I will still be seeing them at the wedding anyways."

"That still doesn't give you an excuse to not meet his family which will eventually become part of our life as well, he doesn't have a huge family and he had only one child who is in high school. He is quite smart and he studies in the same school as you do, if you get close to him, you can get free tuition lessons from him." It seems that she cares more about his family and his children rather than me, it was such an irony that she is calling her son while praising another man's child.

"I am still not going, I am glad that you have your happiness at this age but I am not happy that you are forcing me to be supportive when I still can't forget the fact that my father died and you are here getting excited to get married to a richer man who can provide for you." I don't know how I became so brave all of a sudden and I can't seem to stop it at all, I know that I will regret it as soon as I end the phone call but for now, I would say whatever I want to say that has been kept in my heart for a very long time. "You are that selfish that you think that you can control me, well you can't because I am not your robot, I have a mind of my own and I totally can make good life decisions on my own."

"Wonho, are you drunk?" I cut her off. "You know what, I am done with you and I am capable of living my own life. I am not attending the wedding and I am out of your life forever from now on." I ended the phone call and I got a fright as I heard someone clapping her hands, I turned around and it was Yoo Yiseul who was there all along and she listened to my entire conversation.

She smiled as she came closer and she smacked me on the head. "I thought that you would be a sissy at this kind of matter but you are really a loser at this. How did you even think that cursing your mother out is going to help you at all? You are ruining your life like that."