Befriending the Gangster // S.W.H (#21)

Sixteen

YiSeul

People, I have always hated people. There are many reasons for it, with the exception of SeonHo of course. I wouldn't ever hate him, he is my younger brother that I raised after the death of both our parents.

They have never taken responsibility for what they have done, my father never told me that he would be back anytime. They have gone on a trip without the two of us before the fateful car accident and they didn't tell me. I remembered being put at our grandparent's place and I hated that place, that place lacked everything that I needed and I wanted to go back home as soon as possible.

I never really know my extended family as my parents have never tried to let us meet him so it was very awkward staying over at that place when you know no one at all. There were 5 people living there in a two storey house, a very old model that is probably constructed in the late 70s. There lived my paternal grandparents, my paternal uncle who is my father's younger brother who is unmarried, YeongAe Gomo and a boy around the same age as me. He was introduced as my cousin who is the same age and he was smiling when I first met him.

I hated that smile, it is like he is trying to make me like me but there is no way that I will like him. He is no fun, he studies all day long and stays in his bedroom until dinner time, SeonHo tried very hard to play with him but he rejected him all the time.

He was the first guy that rejected SeonHo to play with him, SeonHo was a likeable person who has a lot of friends. He never has to ask if he could play with him but not this guy. I remembered SeonHo crying in my arms every night and telling me that he wants to go home as soon as possible.

I wished that I said that I had the same thoughts as me but being the good older sister that my parents adored, I had to lie to him that our parents would definitely bring us on their next trip which came true. That one trip that the four of us ended in a disaster and made me and SeonHo orphans for the next few years.

I heard a knock on the door and I looked up at the door, I was lying down on the bed playing games on my phone. It was YeongAe Gomo. "What?" I asked I was irritated that she interrupted my train of thoughts and the little movie that rewind in my mind like a classic.

"You need to get your 8 hours of sleep, you wouldn't want to go to school in a grouchy mood." She replied and sat down on my bed, she shares the same room as me. She told us that she would be here to take care of me until we were sensible enough to be able to earn money. Before that, she is never going to leave us. She promised that she will never leave me unattended and she is here to make up to the mistakes.

What about her son? She had a son and she didn't bring him here, is there any reason why? "What about that kid of yours?"

"What kid?" She asked, clearly not understanding what I have just said. Right, I didn't specify which kind. Maybe she has more than one children...

"That boy whom SeonHo hated. Where did the kid go to?"

"Him? Ah, Kihyun..." She looked upset for some reason and she was avoiding my stares. So his name was Kihyun... Why didn't you play with my brother back then?

"I thought that he would be here with us if he was your child." And he is not here for some odd reason...

She shifted a little in her position. "YiSeul, why are you asking this all of a sudden? I thought that you were the type to not care about such things, aren't you? Did spending time with WonHo ssi made you a little more friendly?"

Yea, why am I being so nosy?? Go to sleep, YiSeul... "But I'm part of the family as well and I'm curious about your son. Where is he?"

"Go to sleep. I'm not that ready to tell you about Kihyun yet." She laid down on the bed and pulled on the blankets, I lifted up my leg so that the blanket wouldn't be in the way.

"YeongAe Gomo!" I shouted-whispered at her as she pulled the blankets over her head.

"I will tell you when I want to. But for now, I want you to focus on your studies. I want you to graduate high school at least."

She's right... I didn't take one day to tell her everything that I want to tell her, I also hesitated a lot and thought long about how I should tell her. I needed some time to place some trust in someone and tell them your biggest secrets that you wouldn't tell anyone except for them.

I told YeongAe Gomo about how much I missed my parents and wished that they hadn't died in that car accident, it was the night after the two of us have come back from begging the discipline master for letting me stay. I told her that I blamed myself so much for the death of both my parents.

If I hadn't mentioned to SeonHo that our parents will bring us on their trip, SeonHo wouldn't have begged them for bringing me with them and that car accident wouldn't happen. I was to be blamed for everything that had happened, they wouldn't have died and everything would be back to normal. My parents would be around and life wouldn't have been so difficult for the two of us.

I remember YeongAe Gomo hugging me tightly, refusing to let me go as I continue to cry silently. I didn't want SeonHo to know that I'm crying again, I didn't want to know that I was suffering. I want him to grow up as an adult the way that he is supposed to, not knowing that the people around him were all suffering.

"That was a car accident, that car decided to swerve into the wrong lane and it was towards you and your family. I'm glad that you and SeonHo survived from that car accident so that you would fulfil their wish. That's why you survived."

It would be better if I was dead... I wouldn't be a burden to anyone else, SeonHo would live a better life then.