FOUR QUARTERS

Chapter 11

 
G

avin
 
Walking back into my parents after watching Simone and Jonah drive away I had an unexplainable feeling. I was hurt, yet angry and full of rage. So many at one time like I’m being twisted up in a tornado. I hear my parents and Gwen talking about the disaster which just happened.
 
“Gavin, how do you plan to correct this situation?” “Dad you just told the mother of my son she was selfish from keeping him from us, and you want me to right this wrong?” I say looking at him. “I have 16 years to make up for and my son hates me. He literally wishes I was dead or still nonexistent in his and his mother life. I can’t push him any more dad.” “Gav, what can we do to help?” “I do not know Gwen.” “Son,” “Mom not now.” “You really need to talk with and explain your side.”
 
“Mom what side. He knows the truth. I told Simone to kill him. Even now I still remember the look in her eyes. I don’t know why she left, but I remember before she did I told her again to kill the baby. All Jonah knows is that I wanted him dead. I can’t conjure up what he must be feeling or going through.”  
 
“And when she told me Simone did have the abortion something inside me died. I couldn’t find her so I put it all in football and women. When I had a child who needed me.” “Son, look at me.” I looked at my dad. “Yes there are 16 years behind you, behind us all and we cannot get those back, nevertheless, it does not mean we can’s start to build and repair. Jonah and Simone need to know we are here for them.” “Dad after your grand speech I’m positive you have knocked us back another 16 years.”
 
“I will admit I should not have said that, but it’s not just you Gavin.” “Dad I thought my child was dead thanks to Maddison.” “What is going to happen with you and Maddison?” “Honestly right now that is the furthest from my mind. I need to repair and build a relationship with Jonah. He is first and the most important.” “I wonder why he hates us all?”
 
“Gwen, I’m sure it is my fault. He knew I wanted him dead and probably assumes we all did. I am not a mind reader I don’t know how his mind operates. I can only assume this is what is going through his mind.” “When I saw him at a restaurant last weekend he said he only has one grandmother and she is black.” “Maybe he just wants to identify solely as being black.” I shake my head in no motion. “No dad you're wrong. Before I found out he was my son he always acknowledges he was bi-racial.” “Gav,” Gwen said. “What are we going.” “Love him from a for now. I’m about to go home. Thanks for dinner.” I say getting. I hug and kiss my mom, then my sister. I shake my dad's hand. “I’ll see yall,” I say as I walk out the door.
 
Pulling up to my house my the feeling of emptiness begins to reside in me. Walking into the house I share with Maddie doesn’t even feel like a home anymore. I walk out to the back where the pool is. Taking off my shoes, rolling up my pants legs I slip my feet in the water.
 
Taking out my phone I see some missed text and calls from Maddison but I just ignore them and call Allen.  After the third ring, he picks up. “Yeah,” he says out of breath. “Did I catch you at a bad time?” “You did. I got two women and they are starting without me. Is everything good?” “Yeah, I was calling to see if you were still coming for homecoming. And to see if you could stay a while longer. I have someone I want you to meet.” “Your son.” I stopped.
 
How did you know about Jonah?” “Since when has ESPN been able to keep their mouths shut. I hear he is good as you if not better.” He says laughing. “He actually is just as good as me if not better.” “Did I just hear the great Gavin Langford admit someone is better than him?” “My son is.” “I can’t wait to meet him. Will I be able to meet baby momma too?” He asked and I could tell he had a smirk on his face. “Hands off Simone.” “That’s her name.” He says laughing. “We shall see what happens when I come in a couple of weeks. I have to go but I’ll call you later this week.” “Alright man,” I say then heard the phone disconnect.
 
‘What are you and Maddison hiding and how do Simone and Jonah play a part in this.’ I say out loud to myself.
 
Getting out the water I head to the bathroom to take a long hot shower. The warm weather washes over me as my muscles begin to relax. After I showered I remained under the water just letting the water take over and relax me more. Getting out the shower I dried off sat in my office.
 
“Gavin, who is that girl you are looking at.?” “No one. I’m here with you.” “But you looking at that black girl over there at the food court. Do you want her?” I couldn’t speak. “Go have her then Gavin.” I watched her walk away and turned back to the table and she was gone.  They were gone.  
 
Looking over some paper for football coming across Jonah’s I saw Simone’s number. Grabbing my phone I dialed her number. After the second ring, I heard her voice.
 
“Hello.” I took a deep breath before speaking. “Hey, Simone.” “Gavin,” she asked. “It’s me. I am so sorry about dinner.” “How did you get my number?” “Jonah’s football papers. How is Jonah?” “Jonah is hurt but he will be okay.” “It’s  my fault.” “Gavin it’s enough to blame to go around.”   
 
“You told me you were pregnant and., and I don’t know Simone everything in me just closed up. I became catastrophic in my own mind and body. Then years later it all came full circle. I didn’t know how to feel or what to feel.” Give Jonah some time to adjust then get to know him and let him get to know you at his own pace. This is hard for him to deal with. When he was younger and he would ask me why is my dad? Why doesn’t he want me? I didn’t have answers for him, now that you are here in time those questions you should answer for Jonah.
 
“I will answer whatever he wants to know. I will also answer any lingering questions you have.” “Does your wife want to meet Jonah. I personally don’t feel she needs to meet me Jonah is old enough. Does she want to meet our son.” “She told me she does but right now I am focused on attempting to build a relationship with him. I am not concerned without people getting to know him.” I paused before Simone could speak I spoke again. “I hate that I took Jonah’s happiness away. In playing football I mean. Next week I will put in my two weeks notice and find another head coach so he can play.” “You would do that for Jonah?” “Yes, I would.” “Don’t quit your job. Jonah does love football but it should not come at the expense of your job. I get you to want to make this easier on him I really do but I want you to answer this question.” “Okay”
 
“You quit your job is it going to change Jonah’s mind about you? Is it going to create this great father-son bond the day you quite? Will it take away or stop his pain.” “No,” I say lowly. “Jonah is dealing with this in his own way. I’m sure in time he will ask you questions and that will be the beginning of build a relationship.” “And what if he doesn’t Simone. Then what am I suppose to do.” “Love him from a distance. Let him know you always going to be there, and you are always going to support him. Give him that peace of mind. Don’t be a proud coach to be a proud father. When he graduates from high school and college be theirs. Just show him.”
“I can do that.”
 
“Simone” What were you thinking about when you saw the pool house?” “when I asked you where did you see yourself in seven years.” I smiled “And you took my shirt” “I did” “Well I didn’t lie to you. I have a kid and I’m married.” Not happily I thought. I heard Simone laughing. “I guess you got what you wanted.” “Almost everything Simone, almost. What about you.” “You never asked me what I wanted Gavin.” “Simone why the name change if you were never married.” It was a long pause. “Easier question. Why are you going out with Keith?” “Bye Gavin”  “Sim..” I heard the phone disconnect.
 
I then went and laid down ‘til sleep took over me.
 
 
Simone
(next day)
 
 
“Jonah” I yell upstairs. “Are you up?” A few moments later I heard footsteps getting closer to me. “Good Morning momma” “Good morning. You ready to eat.” “Yes, ma’am.” While fixing our plates and Jonah got us our cups and filled them with juice.  As we sat down and prayed then begin digging into our food.  
 
“Momma can we stay into and just go out next week.” “That’s fine with me.” “I was thinking we could do some painting and talk.” “Painting Jonah. What are we painting?” “I went to get some easels, paints, brushes, and stuff. Along with two pictures where you color by numbers. We are not artist mom.” He says laughing. “But I wanted us to do something fun and different.” I smiled. “I can't wait. After we finish eating  I will do the dishes while you set up everything.” Jonah nodded because he had a mouth full of food.    
 
 When we finished painting I looked at Jonah who had this indescribable pain etched on his face. “Jonah baby what’s wrong.” “Just thinking about last night. Do you think I was wrong?” “The better question is do you think you were wrong. Jonah, I can’t imagine how you are feeling and what you are going through, but I can’t help you if you don’t open up and talk to me.” “I don’t know how I’m feeling. It was anger than hurt then anger again now I’m just numb.” “Gavin called last night.” I watched Jonah’s face and the loo in his eyes. “He wanted to apologize. He then went on to say he was going to quit his job as a head coach so you can play.” “A smile widen on Jonah’s face.   
 
“He is really going to quit,” Jonah asked happily. “I told him not to.” His smile dropped. “Why would you tell him not to momma. I could play football again.” “Jonah you can play football now, in fact, I hope you will, but you can’t blame Gavin.” “Mom are you seriously siding with him right now.” “Jonah look at me and listen to me.” I watched Jonah look down. “Look at me, Jonah,” I say in a more stern tone as his eyes slowly came up to meet mine.
 
 
“Listen to me. I am not on Gavin’s side. You are my son. I love you more than you will ever know I promise you. Ask yourself this question, ‘will anything change if Gavin is not coaching?’  Better yet do you recall when you were younger you would always ask me questions around Gavin. Why didn’t he want you? Why was it so easy for him to walk away? What did you do wrong?” I paused looking Jonah dead in his eyes before continuing. “Why didn’t he love you.” Jonah wiped away his tears even though the pain kept sliding down his face.
 
“baby I couldn’t answer those questions then and I can’t now only one person can. I am not saying you need to forgive Gavin or become best pals with him, but I will say when you are ready for those answers you know who to go to. Jonah, I don’t know the answers.” “I know momma. It hurts. It hurts bad.” “and if he quits his job will that stop or even dull your pain make it any less relevant.” “No” “I am not on his side and you need to put your anger aside and look at the picture especially since you want to go to college to play football.”
 
Jonah stood up and  I stood up also he wrapped his arms around me hugging mt tight. I felt his tears fall on my shirt. “I love you, momma.” He cried harder. “It’s going to be okay baby. I just held my son while he cried.
 
Jonah
 
After my much-needed shower to relax away from my muscles and to try and dull or numb my pain.  Just laying on my bed thinking about everything that transpired between me and my mom and even though I know she is right I don’t want her to be. It wouldn’t change anything if he not coaching, he would still be my father and I hate him for it.  
 
 
I didn’t realize I was sleep until I woke up before my alarm and my mom. I took another shower then did all of my morning routines to get ready for school. I text Steve told him I would meet him at school. I looked at the time and saw how early it still was. I sent another text then wrote momma a note and left for the day. I waited for my uncle Patrick to meet me at the hospital.
 
“Good morning nephew.” “Good morning Unk.” “Why you up and out so damn early?” “I’m not sure.” “Did you want to see momma?” “I think she is still resting. I will look in on her though.” “What’s wrong.” “How did momma deal with yall’s dad.” “that is a question for you mom to answer. I don’t know how her mind operates. I can say this I don’t know if it will help you any.”  “Okay, what is it.” “I don’t think Simone ever got passed what happened that day or what happened afterward.”  
 
 
“Does this have anything to do with your dad.” I couldn’t say anything. Just numb to that name which made me more angrier on the inside. “Jonah listen I don’t know what you feeling or going through. I can’t begin to imagine and I won’t say  know how you feeling because I don’t but when you ready we are all here for you.” I nodded my head and I hugged my uncle. “Now c’mon so I can get to you to school on time before my sister kicks my ass.” He said laughing. 
 
After school, I went to the field house and found my way in front of his office before practice begin. I knocked on the door then heard “Come in.” I took a deep breath and walked inside. He looked up at me.
 
“Jonah. How can I help you.” “Momma said you are going to quit your job.” “Yes I plan to.” “Don’t” He looked at me confused. “Don’t quit your job. I will play and listen to everything you say coaching wise other than that don’t talk to me.” He nodded. “I understand and I will respect your decisions.” “And you and your family leave me and my mom alone,” I said then walked out to get ready for practice.
 
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