FOUR QUARTERS

Chapter 64

 

 
 

                             Gavin  
 

I stopped at a store and got Jonah and I some water then took him to a place that means the most to Simone and I. Pulling up at the park I get out. I see Jonah sitting their. I laugh lightly he reminds me of his mom. “Let's go,” I said as we walked up to the benches Jonah was ready to sit at the first one. I motion for him to come down further. When we reached the bench I wanted we sat down boring our eyes until he spoke.
 
“Something wrong with the other benches?” “No. This one held the memories of me and your mom.” “You brought my mom to a park.” “We had our first kiss here and this is where I asked her out.” “In a park.” “So that’s all she was to you.” “If that’s all she was to me why to why remember all of this so well.” “I’m sure you have brought plenty of women here. I have heard all about you and how you slept with women on top of women not to mention two teachers.” “That’s all you know huh. That was I football star who fucked every girl in high school went to college did basically the same shit. I never denied that part of me; however, your mom was different and showed me differently. That’s why this place is so important to me.”
 
“what are you talking about and you did was dump your cum in my mom then dumped up.” I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “You know I asked damn near if not every girl when I was in school to come and see me play. They would all say yes and fall all over me. I’m not going to lie I loved the attention when I meet Simone at first she was no different.” “Are you telling me my mom was another one of your whores.” I froze in my position. “I mean you treated her like one. My momma is not a hoe.”  
 
“No that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying all the other were the same but she stood out and I took notice in that.” “So she as challenges.” “When I asked her to come to the game to cheer me on she gave me an answer I never heard from anybody.” I laughed at the memory. “What did she say.” “She said the school had cheerleaders to cheer me on then walked away,” I say as Jonah burst out laughing. “Momma curved you.” He said still laughing. “It’s not that damn funny.”
 
“I’m not sure and can't say for certain but I think Maddison got her to come to the game. She didn’t cheer or nothing. I remember I just got off the field from throwing a touchdown I looked at her, she looked like she wanted to be anywhere but at the game. What got me is Simone has a mind of her own and she chose to come her being their meant more to me than winning that game.” I took a drink of my water then continued.
 
“When I brought her here that night it was after one in the morning. She was hesitant but she came. We sat here in the dark and talked. I didn’t have to put on a façade for her she wanted the real me the authentic me, not a condensed shared version that everybody gets and she deserved that. She opened up to me and I did with her. I was sitting here in this spot she kissed me. I can't explain the feeling that I got the surge of it took over my body. In that our first kiss I knew she was not like any other girl I had been with. I asked her out on real date went to see Fast and the Furious.”
 
“Come let's go.” “Where are we going” Have to wait and see. Now let’s go.” The car was silent just the music and unsaid questions lumened the air. Pulling into my parent's drive I heard a sigh from Jonah. “Don’t worry we not going in the house.” We got out of my vehicle and Jonah followed me into the pool house. “Wow,” He said excitedly. “This is nice. Why are we here.” “This was mine and your mom other place.”
 
“This is where you were conceived.” I watched him look around. “It’s bedrooms in here,” “How many other women tracked through here.” “None just your mom.” “I slept with Simone twice, both times here. The second time it just happened. I mean it didn’t set out to sleep with her and she didn’t with me. We were just both succumb with emotions we couldn’t control. That does not mean for you to sleep with some girl and use that line. It there were other factors involved.” I went in to sit down on the couch as Jonah followed me.
 
“I’m going to tell you something that even your mom doesn’t know.” The look on Jonah’s face was filled with questions. “Simone told me she loved me in here. I had slept with plenty of women they have told me they loved me. When Simone told me I knew she wasn’t lying and it wasn’t football, money, or stature. She loved me for me. I didn’t tell her I loved her because I wasn’t even sure if I loved myself.”
 
“I told you about what happened the year before and messed up as it was and as I was Simone was the only thing I reached for. Even before I knew she was pregnant I was hurting her but it was never intended. The day she told me she was pregnant haunts me even now. I just got out of football practice and she told me she was pregnant. The misery I was living in showed that’s when I said kill it.” I looked at Jonah and cried. Then continued.
 
“When I got home I took out the sonogram picture started it for our in the baby room I had in the house I cried the whole night. My mind was screaming the same thing was going to happen the lies were going to soon come out. The dark thoughts set in more then took over me. The next day I saw her at school she looks so heartbroken that was the last time I saw her at school. When I saw her and Maddison eating at the mall. I told her again.” Tears formed in my eyes and I tried to keep them at bay. “I turned to tell her I was sorry I didn’t mean it and leave the girl I was with but she was gone.” The tears spilled.
 
“All because of what happened?” “No matter how much I wanted to live in the future the past reared its ugly head. That shattered shit came out and covered me with my hurt and I saw was her and all I heard was her lies. I remember after she left I came in her and destroyed the pool house. I mean I broke everything nothing was left standing. Just the bed I got rid of my old bed and begin using that bed. It was all I had left of her. I went through women but they weren’t her so I didn’t want them. I couldn’t do much of anything so I tried and tried to hide the pain that begins to reside in me but it covered me like an umbrella.”
 
“When I graduated I thought I would be able to breathe but nope it got worse. My downfall really came when Maddison told me Simone had an abortion. What's sick is that she seems so sincere about it, therefore, I didn’t question it.” “My grandma told me you came to try and find my mom.” “I did and I tried to find her under Simone Blackstone but no such luck. It was like she was a ghost no past or present records of her. That bastard made sure of that. Maddison then told me Simone said she moved on and was happy. That was the final part for me I begin drinking heavily to the point it was football and bottles. Two years of that barely playing football one day I woke up took a shower when I saw the calendar it was the anniversary of the day Maddison told me that Simone had an abortion.”
 
I went got some water and brought Jonah one back. Taking some drinks I continued. “That day I went to go get some more liquor but I ended up at a hospital. I went to the maternity floor and this was about to give birth and her husband had just died in a car wreck. I sat with here talking to her. I don’t know why I told her everything and her words changed everything. She said to stop being scared of your pain. She said if every time something comes up to hurt me or bring me pain or it’s  I will never go anywhere because I would be running for the rest of my life so I stopped. I even stayed until she had her baby girl. When I got in the NFL I started her up a trust fund for college.”
 
“Do you ever still see her and the little girl.” “I do. I even informed her about you and Simone. She wants to meet yall. “So you play daddy to her child but wanted yours dead.” “Sadly yes. Because I thought you were dead and the guilt was still slowly killing me. I hate I told your mom that I hate I didn’t find her sooner to make up for all of this. You are right it’s my fault. I brought pain and heartbreak to the two people I should have protected. Instead of growing up and becoming a man I bitched out and became a pussy. The woman who gives me this unexplainable feeling I shattered her. She carried my son alone, raised him alone and while you, my son was calling out for me you dad I was either having sex with a random woman or drunk. I can't change the past only correct the present and pray for a better future.”
 
“Jonah you may not believe me but I do love you and I am trying. I want to be your father I should have been there from the start but I wasn’t and its no excuse.” “What is the baby would have lived.” “I would want what I want now my family. Yes, the family I abandoned. You have to think about this I was trying to find Simone and was told she aborted my child, moved on and was happy. What was I suppose to do” “I never thought of it that way.” “When Simone walked into my office I can't tell you the feeling I got.” “Why did you sleep with her again? I hate even thinking about it but why.” “Ask your mom.” “You can't answer.” “I can but it’s better if she does.” “What do you want from us. Its been years.” “Too many years Jonah.”
 
“I DON’T NEED YOU NOW. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I DID  NEED YOU. WHEN I WAS CRYING, HOLDING MY MOM WHILE SHE CRIED. WHEN SHE ONLY HAD ME TWO CHRISTMAS GIFT BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T AFFORD IT. WHERE THE HELL was YOU.”  as he yelled tears stream down my face.
 
“YOU DIDN’T WANT US, YOU WANT OTHER KIDS NOT ME. WHY HELL DIDN’T YOU WANT ME.” he said as he cried in my arms. 
 

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