Hush //Jimin FF

Chapter 89

Jimin looked at Taehyung's eyes feeling his insides getting tightened form anxiety that his words caused to him. He couldn't believe he was serious and he really had come to talk about what had went down between them even though it was something that in the start he wished for. He wished for him to listen to his explanation as he self loathed himself to sleep alone at night. He longed for his forgiveness as he slept with his demons of guilt but after a while he had accepted that he deserved to suffer because he hurt him,he betrayed him and he knew well what he did. He couldn't forgive himself so how could he bring himself dreaming of Taehyung forgiving him? It was to unreal so he had never insisted it but it seems now he is here to do just that.

"Don't look at me as if i am a ghost. This is not easy for me so please just tell me. Why did you betrayed me like that?" Taehyung's eyes softened as he asked him, making Jimin's heart clench in pain as he faced his gaze that was displaying his real emotions.

Taehyung had never let him see through his emotions after that day. Not even for a moment he was sad before him, angry or mad.Not even once he had straight up come and curse at him ,blame him or something, vent his pain out to him. He never did any of that,he only smiled, goofed around and stated to him that he would never let him to be happy. Simply,coldly and only once. That was all he had said before he put his words to action and made them reality .

"Taehyung...I" Jimin found himself out of words looking at his brother's eyes that seemed to be expecting something of him. He had waited and longed for so long to say sorry and now that he gave him the chance he had no good words in his mind to try and convince him. He had nothing but the truth. A truth he had long buried inside himself trying as hard as possible to erase it, kill it, forget it. A truth he now had to bring back to the surface and hurt himself too by recalling it all.

"I am sorry Tae. If i ever regret something is that day. I am truly so sorry." He told him his gaze portraying his sincerity ,making Taehyung avert his eyes on his right feeling his throat burning up as he had never knew that he really was waiting for so long to hear those words coming out of him. To recognize that he had hurt him, to bring justice to his pain and feelings.

"There is something i haven't told you. Something no one knew." Jimin continued getting Taehyung's attention as he turned to look at him again, Jimin' s gaze having now drifted to the floor .

He walked away and approached the couch where he took a seat, his right hand soon running through his hair displaying his anxious feeling on his face perfectly. Silence fell for a while after Taehyung  did not move from were he was standing to go near him, he just stood there between the table and the couch waiting for him to go on.

"Remember when i started studying so hard? "

"Second year of high school,first semester. You closed yourself in a room three days straight and you wouldn't open up to anyone not even me." Taehyung replied immediately having good memory of that day as he had worried a lot about him at that time , thinking that something might have happened to him or that he might had done something and he was mad at him. 

"It was the day i decided to study hard because i wanted to go to higher grades faster.." Jimin continued a smile cracking on Taehyung's lips ,recalling how he had told him that he was trying to show off his geniousness as Jimin was always a model student.

"But in reality , i just wanted to reach someone. " Jimin left his elbows rest on his knees as he continued talking , his gaze looking ahead at the black screen of the Tv that was still turned off.

"Mom?" He heard Taehyung's voice question and he shook his head lightly as a negative response  ,understanding why he must have thought that because their mom was a really intellectual person and had some great achievements in the education field.

"I had met her at the summer while you and dad had went to Europe to visit granny.  We had ended up talking  and somehow became friends and i kept it a secret because she said it would be a shame for her if anyone was to see her hanging out with a younger boy. At that day ...i had grew up to be more than a friend for her but she was older than me and i was lacking. I wanted to be a man for her so i caught up to her , i closed that three years cap and ended up surpassing her." Jimin took a pause as he had just started telling the beginning of his story, the start of his love that was so sweet and innocent at first and all he wanted to do was love and protect her forever.

Taehyung took a minute to comprehend who the she that he was talking about was and once he made the assumption, his eyes grew wide and he kept looking at him frozen.

"NeeRin and I had been dating secretly for some years ,only after she finished high school making our dates a bit more public. She was supposed to enter an University and i was finishing mine.I had walked way to far ahead from her and at that time i didn't realize how insecure and little i had made her feel with my achievements...That day I gave her a ring. I looked at her and told her i wanted to be with her, I wanted her to be the woman i would marry one day and she said that she loved me more than anything. She said that she wished she could be more for me because i was so much for her. " Jimin stood up , feeling himself ready to explode at that moment as he had brought back to his memory that moment pretty clearly and that was painful to him still.

He had failed to realize back then what he sees now clearly. His love was never good for either of them. Her love was not doing him any good because he had sacrificed so much of himself to be with her, he had gave up his youth to be a man worthy of her time and she had ended up being over shadowed by that driven desire for perfection that she had awoken and push him into. They had drove each other to becoming something better but they had mistaken that they should have become a better part of themselves and not someone else entirely that would just be successful. 

"You knew her! ..That means ..she.." Taehyung finally took two steps towards him still in shock of what he had heard as his mind had just made a connection that had blown his mind.

"Six months later she entered into our house as our new mother. " He bitterly left those words out of his lips before turning around and looking back at Taehyung whom was at the last year of high school back then while Jimin that was only two years older had his first job as the youngest professor of ever teaching at Seoul's University.

"And it hurt." Jimin's eyes turned glassy as he locked eyes with his brother finding his emotions too strong to be held back.

He had wanted so much to tell him back then but how could he speak? She was now the wife of his father. He had bared it all alone, lived through the torturing hours of silence as he tried to forget her and hate her thing that unfortunately wasn't easy for him and he proved to be weaker for her than he had thought.

Weak enough to crave her, touch her , even after she took that title . Weak enough to sin with her till he detested his flesh yet still hushed about it all.

---To be continued....

{Double update~~I hope you don't mind XD}