All of Me (Harry Styles) - Book 2

Chapter 18: The Start of a Long Night

-Ava's Pov-

My sandals crunch on the gravel beneath my feet as I try to put as much distance between myself and the house as possible.

My mind is a mess right now. A horrible confused mess of emotions. As I feel the tears roll down my face I'm not even sure if it's because of happiness or sadness. God, I'm fucked up.

I curse myself for not driving my own car, now having to resort to either calling a cab or walking. I decide to go with the latter for now, wanting to leave as quickly as possible.

I head towards the front gate, weaving in and out of all the vehicles parked haphazardly on the lawn an driveway.

"Ava!"

I squeeze my eyes shut at the sound of Harry's deep voice but continue walking.

"Please wait!"

I'm stopped by a firm yet gentle grasp on my arm. I go over my options, resigning myself to the fact he's not going to let me just leave.

I turn around to face him, trying to avoid his worried gaze, but I can't. I look into his green eyes and I swear he can read my every thought as I look up at him.

"Ava." He says softly, reaching his hands up and whipping the tears off my cheeks with his thumb.

The act feels so intimate, having been so distant with him for so long, I only cry harder.

"Why?" I choke out.

I see the pain in his eyes as he hesitates.

"I... I wanted to." He says quietly, "When I heard it from her myself.. God I wanted to tell you. Even got on a bloody plane and came to L.A. to tell you."

The thought of him coming all the way here to tell me makes my cheeks flush.

"But you didn't."

He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, "No. I made it all the way to your house before I realized I couldn't."

I look away from him, feeling an immense pain in my chest. Why couldn't he have just told me?

"Would you have believed me?" He asks, seeming almost afraid of the answer.

"I-I don't know." I reply honestly. "I would of wanted to."

His eyes widen in surprise at my words.

"I couldn't take telling you and you turning me away." He breathlessly states. "It would of killed me. May sound mad but by not telling you I still had some hope."

I shake my head at him, trying to understand his reasoning.

"I've never been one to make the best decisions when it comes to you. I tend to make ones that just muck everything up and end up hurting you." He looks down at his feet, ashamed of the truth in his words. "And now here I am, mates with you for two bloody days and I'm already making you cry."

"Harry..."

"No." He cuts me off, "I knew this would happen. I told myself to stay away from you, that I would only hurt you..."

"I told myself the same thing." My voice fades off as I think over the past year.

Without him.

"So where does this leave us?"

My eyes meet his again and I want to tell him. I want to tell him I've thought about him every single day. That I still say to myself that I'm over him every night, knowing full well those words will never hold any truth.