All of Me (Harry Styles) - Book 2

Chapter 36: "I won't give up."

-Ava's POV-

Louie's idea for us all to go bowling ending up being a brilliant idea.

The boys all placed bets over who would win, each of them betting on themselves of course. The look on their faces when Perrie got a strike on her last frame was priceless. She beat Niall and Harry both by one pin. I've never seen Zayn look so proud before.

In between games, when we weren't stuffing our faces with cheese fries and onion rings, we played pool or air hockey.

Finn surprised us all with his pool skills, being able to clear the table without missing a shot, all while being slightly tipsy on cheap beer.

I happily ruled at air hockey, beating everyone easily, and finally gaining complete victory when I walloped Louie in my last match. Thankfully I bet him I would win, which meant I not only got to see him yell and throw himself on the floor when he lost, but I also got to take a pic of him wearing the bowling alley's mascot suit. My Twitter feed blew up as soon as I posted the pic of him looking like a giant bowling pin. I can't wait to see what captions the fans come up with for that picture.

Everyone had a blast, and a few times I was even able to forget about what I had to tell Harry tonight.

Now, on the drive home, that's all I can think about. I know how important having children is to him, so I can't help but be terrified of what his reaction will be.

But no matter how worried I am, I know it's only right to tell him. If he is as serious about us as I think he is, something that big needs to be out in the open. I want this relationship to work, and the only way to make that happen is by being completely honest.

Now if my nerves would just settle enough for me to be able to follow through.

My hands are shaking as I pull into my garage and get out of my car. I wait till Harry walks in, his bag slung over his shoulder, before closing the garage door.

He gives me a dimpled smile as he follows me into the house. I envy how at ease he seems, wishing my heart would stop thumping so loudly in my chest.

The one silver lining to tonight is that Finn is crashing at Niall's. Once they discovered their shared love of FIFA, they immediately decided they would stay up all night playing it. A friend like Niall is exactly what Finn needs right now. His carefree and happy nature will bring anyone out of a slump, even a horrible breakup.

I jump when Harry stops us mid-kitchen, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back towards him. His hand wraps around my neck, closing the space between us and pressing his lips against mine.

I unintentionally let out a soft moan as his tongue slides inside my mouth. God, he's a good kisser.

Breaking the kiss, he leans his forehead against mine. "We should take our clothes off."

"What?" I laugh.

He smirks at me, his eyes raking down my body. "Yeah... Think we should do that now."

He gently grabs my hand and starts leading me through the house.

"Hold on." I yank on his arm once we're in the living room, causing him to stop and turn towards me.

"Don't make me throw you over my shoulder McCain." He warns with a grin.

"Can we just talk for a minute?" I ask, feeling my nerves resurface.

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion as he looks in my eyes, trying to read me like a book.

"What's wrong?" His voice loses it's playful tone. "Do you.. Do you not want to? God, I'm such a wanker. I didn't mean to pressure you. I'm such a bloody idiot."

"No! No it's not that." I try to reassure him, "I just need to talk to you about something."

He gives a small sigh of relief, "You sure? I mean... I don't want you thinking that's all I want."

"I don't. At all." I shake my head.

"Alright good. Let's sit down yeah?"

I nod and he follows me into the living room, dropping his bag next to the couch before he takes a seat.

I sit on the coffee table in front of him, my knees touching his. I open my mouth, but close it again abruptly when I have no clue how to go about this.

Harry sees my hands shaking and leans forward, taking them in his own. "Av, what's wrong?"

My eyes meet his and I feel sick. He looks so worried and concerned it makes me love him even more. Which makes me even more scared to say something that could possibly change what we have.

"Is this about what I said earlier? About you being the one I plan on spending my life with?"

"Harr.."

"I knew it scared you." He cuts me off. "May be to soon to say that, but I don't think it is. I don't."

"No really it's.."

"I meant it Ava." He cuts me off again, "I'm in love with you and that's not going to change."

"Harry if you could just let.."

"I'm serious about us. This is it for me. You're it for..."

"I can't have kids!" I blurt out, slapping my hands over my mouth the second I do so.

Harry freezes, and I can practically hear my words bouncing off the walls over and over again.

I've never told anyone that, I've never even spoken those words out loud before now.

"You what?" He asks quietly.

"I c-can't. I can't get pregnant. I can't have children." I reply, barely hearing my own voice.

"But you.."

"I can't." I repeat, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. "When I lost... When I had an abortion, it messed up things."

"No." He shakes his head "Please tell me he didn't do this to you."

I nod, feeling to many emotions sweep over me to be able to speak and not completely break down.

"How did you.."

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Av, it's okay to cry over this." He wipes the lone tear off my cheek, his own eyes looking red.

"I can't talk about that. I just wanted you to know, I thought you should know before things get more serious. If this changes anything I understand."

"What?"

"I know that's important to you."

The room is silent and the pain I see written on his face breaks my heart.

"You think I'd end this because.. cause you can't have children?" His voice breaks.

"It's a huge thing to give up Harry." I say quietly, looking down at my hands.

I feel an arm go under my legs and another behind my back, Harry picking me up and sitting me sideways on his lap.

He brushes my hair away from my face and runs his hand down my back, "Yes, someday I do want children. And I want them with you. But they don't have to have our blood for them to be ours."

I take in a sharp breath at his words.

"Av, I do understand what I would be giving up. But you, you I won't give up."

At that moment, I feel so much love in my heart for this man that I think it might burst. He deserves so much more, and it pains me I can't give it to him, "I'm sorry Harry."

"No love no." He places his hand on my chin, moving me to look at him, "You might not know this, but you're worth it."

I give him a soft kiss, running my hand over his cheek. "I'm very much in love with you."

"And I love you."

I drop my head onto his shoulder as he wraps his arms around me tightly, more than ready to start the rest of my life with him.

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