All of Me (Harry Styles) - Book 2

Chapter 69: "Maybe...."

-Harry's POV-

As my eyes survey the breakfast food spread across the counter, I realize I may have overdone it a bit.

Bacon, eggs, toast, sausage, hash browns, pancakes, and biscuits all sit on their respective plates. I shake my head at myself, having cooked enough for a small army when there's only two of us. Well, a small army or Niall on an empty stomach.

I started out just making pancakes, but with how anxious I am I just couldn't stop. My hands needed to keep busy and distract my mind from what happened last night.

Sadly they did a piss poor job of it.

I understand why she pushed me away, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. Probably more, being I know it was well deserved.

I know I should of told her, brought it up to her myself at some point. And I'd like to blame it on just not wanting to hurt her, but I can't.

I knew it would push her away, how could it not? The thought of what I did turns my stomach. Not just the sleeping around, but also the drinking. All of it a poor attempt to.. Bloody hell I don't even know what I was trying to do. Be happy? Feel something? Feel nothing? Forget? Maybe the whole lot of it, maybe none of it at all.

That's how fucked up it was... I was. Still am apparently. First thing I did when Ava left was grab a bottle of gin out of the cubbard, once again turning to drinking. Something I knew from experience wouldn't help in the least. But still I did it anyway, emptied every bottle in the flat.

I still don't understand how she could still want to be with me. Not after the person I had become. But I'm selfish enough to take whatever I can get, and try to become a better person to deserve it.

A door closing upstairs snaps me out of my thoughts, Ava's small frame soon appearing in the doorway.

"We having company?"

"No..." I nervously chuckle, "Um... Got a bit carried away seems like."

"Well good thing I'm starving then."

She gives me a small smile as she pulls a couple plates out of the cubbard, handing me one before loading her's up with food.

We sit across from each other as we eat, silent as we stare down at our plates.

By the time I've finished my second piece of toast, the silence is unbearable.

"I'm sorry... about last night. Shouldn't of done that. I just... I want to be close to you. Not just physically but I... I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She replies, not looking up from her plate.

"No, it's not. I've always been rubbish at going slow with you.... I think.. Dunno.... I need some ground rules or something. Don't know what you want from me."

"I just want to take things slowly."

"But what does the even mean?" I question.

Ava looks up from her plate, her eyes finally meeting mine.

"I don't want to fuck this up more than I already have." I sigh, "We're not engaged anymore, and you're... You're moving your stuff out when we get back to L.A.?"

She nods, "Yeah."

My heart drops. I had somehow hoped she had changed her mind about that.

"I have a spare room... Maybe you could just stay in there for a bit? I won't try anything again, I swear it. Just please think about it yeah?"

"Okay.." She nods slowly, "I'll decide by the time I get back to L.A."

"Alright. Speaking of L.A., I've got the album release in a few days. Doing a show in Orlando, then a few interviews the following day. Means I have to fly back in the morning. Will you... I would like for you to come with me."