My Baker's Dozen

47

Hansol's POV

"Hyung, can I ask you a question?" I looked up from what I was doing to see Samuel poking his head into the doorway of my room. He bit his lip and his eyes darted around the room even though I was the only one in the room.

"Sure, what's up?" I patted the space next to me on my bed as an invitation for him to come sit with me. The eight year old hesitated for a second before doing as I had indicated. But today I noticed how tensed up he was, and how he had distanced himself more form me.

"Who's the lady in the song?"

"What song?" I naturally have five songs stuck in my head at one time, so I was going to need a bit more clarification on this one.

"The one Jihoon hyung wrote. You know the line where Jeonghan hyung sings 'What if she's looking for me?' That lady." It took me a second to remember what we were talking about, but now I know why he was so nervous to ask me.

"I think we need to take a walk. Meet me by the door, I'll be there in a second." I got up from my bed and walked to the door, turning around only to see that Samuel hadn't moved.

"I'm not going to wait for you forever." I smiled a little just to show him I was teasing, and he gingerly got up. Without even checking to see if he was following me when I told him to wait at the door, I walked into Minseo Noona's old room and reached into her closet to find her box of polaroids. Quickly shuffling through, I grabbed the most recent picture of Mom and put it in my back pocket. Not bothering to put the box back, I left it open on the desk and joined Samuel at the door.

"Appa, can Samuel and I go for a walk?"

"Sure, but be back before dark." I nodded even though he couldn't see me, and I opened the door for the two of us to go out. I shivered a bit from the late November air, and I could see Samuel do the same despite both of us having a coat.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. It's not far." The eight year old smoothly slipped his hand into my larger one and held it as we walked down the street. It wasn't very late in the night, but with the daylight hours decreasing each day I knew we didn't have too long. I turned right at the street corner and brought Samuel to a little pond we had in the middle of a park. Since we lived in a city, cemeteries weren't something we had to bury our loved ones, so they got cremated for us to spread into the wind.

I sat down on the grass beside the pond next to Samuel and brought the picture gently from my back pocket to show him. Geese swam in the pond, created little wakes behind them as we watched.

"That's our Mom. She died when I was six from... a lot of things. She died from a lot of things." I handed him the photo, pointing to the smiling woman with Wonwoo in her arms.

"She's the lady in the song." He whispered, and I nodded.

"That's why this song is a touchy subject for us all." Samuel leaned into me and rest his head on my shoulder.

"I think she should be the reason you all do this together." I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I just left it in the air.

"She's very pretty. I wish I could have met her." Samuel said after a little bit, his eyes never leaving the picture this entire time.

"Mom would have loved you." Sam started singing a few lines of something, but it wasn't a song I really recognized.

"What were you singing?" He paused for a second, his eyes drifting from the polaroid to the geese in the pond.

"It's your part of Jihoon's song. 'Because I love you, because the words I love you isn't enough no matter what I say.'" I nodded, somewhat curious as to how much of this song he had memorized by heart.

"Did Chan ever meet her?" I thought our Mom was something Samuel and Chan had talked about in the years they have known each other, but I guess we were all wrong.

"Not really. But he has said she's visited him in some dreams. She's done that at least once to all of us through years, but Chan's seen her the most." Samuel nodded slightly and when I looked down his eyes were struggling to keep open. Seems like Hoshi and Jihoon tired him out after school.

"Come on Sam, let's go home." He hummed and I picked him up off of the ground. Samuel wrapped his arms around me, not once losing his grip on the photo, and I walked home like that. I guess now I'll have to tell Jihoon I'm in now.