Marvel x Male Reader (1/2)

Drunk (Tony Stark × Male Reader)

Tony flirts with everybody, especially you. You decided to act weird to see what could possibly make him stop:

Tony: Hey there.

You: I eat Bob with Big Jill.

Tony: Did you do drugs without me?

You: Where is your face you little kangaroo?

Tony: How could someone be so attractive and weird at the same time?

You: You see, eating a crayon means a shoe is strangled.

Tony: Are you... are you trying to get rid of me?

You: No. This is just an experiment.

Tony: See you later.

You: Hey, Clint, you haven't been included in these fanfics that much lately come here.

Clint: You always say the weirdest things.

You: I thought that was Deadpool.

Clint: No, Wade's insane, you're just a weirdo.

You: Did I upset Tony?

Clint: Go talk to him and find out.

You: That's it?! You usually create the craziest fucking plans and now you want me to do something normal?!
What?!

Clint: It's Tony, someone's gonna need to have an actual conversation with him at some point in time.

You: That does technically make it a crazy idea. I'm gonna go do that.

Of course, Barton did actually have a plan...duh!

You: Tony, you in there?

Tony: No.

You: I'm coming in.

You opened the door, to be honest, you were surprised the door wasn't locked, or that he wasn't in his lab.

You: Did I hurt your feelings somehow?

Tony: No.

You: *sniff* Are you drinking? And why are you hiding it?

Tony: So I don't ruin the already fucked up impression I have on you.

You: I don't care if you drink.

Tony: Why were you telling me weird things? You could've been honest with me if you wanted me to leave you alone.

You: No, no. Not at all. Honestly, you seemed kind of flirtatious-

Tony: So you thought the playboy just wanted to have sex with you.

You: You wanted to have sex with me?

Tony: Not entirely.

You: I just thought you did this to everybody and  I wanted to see what made you stop. Now I see what's gonna make me stop.

Tony: NO! That's not what I meant. Don't...

*door slams shut*

Tony:...abandon me.

Clint: Sooo, how did the convo go? Unless there was no talk...

You: Don't be as perverted as Stark.

Clint: Aïe, you need to relax, here chuh this tea, gulping it all will set your body
free.

You downed the drink, however...

You: WHAT the fuck?! That's Bailey's.

Clint: Spiked with some caffeine and a bit of vodka.

You: My alcohol tolerance is really low...HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Wade: Ooh, what's so funny?

Clint: He's drunk.

Wade: Poor Y/N.

Eventually You and Tony were both intoxicated and started dancing to the beat of footsteps. Until Tony pulled a tiny plastic bag from his pocket.

You: Woah, what's that?

Tony: The only pure thing I have left ever since you started hating me.

You: This is not a pure substance. Mother nature does not created drugs. This is a homogeneous mixture.
Speaking of genius, you're clearly not as smart as you seem.

Tony: Wanna make out?

You: Ok.

{Insert making out}

Tony: Wanna make love?

You: Ko *faints*.

Clint and Wade: *laugh because funny*

{Insert making out}

Next Morning:

You: Oh shit.

Tony: Huh? What?

You: I kissed you last night.

Tony: Did you enjoy it?

You: Physically. Yes. Emotionally. No.

Tony: Look, I really um.. I didn't just want sex, I was just afraid of telling you the truth so I just flirted.

You: Wait, do you like me?

Tony: Maybe.

You: I want you to be my crayon.

Tony: What?

You: Because..yesterday I said that I eat the crayon. And so I am saying I want to eat you ugh the moment's ruined.

Tony: You're not rejecting me so I'm appreciating this situation.

You: I just realized we're on the floor.
Also, DEADPOOL!

Tony: Ah, my head.

Wade: Excuse me I was sucking Clint's dick, what is so important?

You: Break the 4th wall.

Wade: Seriously, isn't it getting a bit stale?

You: Just do it!

Deadpool: Ummm...4th wall breakers in the flesh...

You: MOTHERFU...

698 words

I was gonna make this a surprise "prequel" to the Love Triangle One-Shot but nevermind. Not the best of updates but I hope this can entertain you for a hot minute.

I'm running out of ideas please help.

- GAYbriel 💋🧚‍♂️