Marvel x Male Reader (1/2)

A NORMAL, GENERIC, FANFIC! (Steve)

Wade: Hello, and welcome to another-

NO! NO,NO,NO!!!

Wade: What?

ENOUGH OF YOUR NONSENSE! THIS TIME, WE'RE MAKING A NORMAL, GENERIC FANFIC! No fourth-wall breaking, no CRAZY shenanigans, just temporary love with a commonly used character.

Wade: Is it Peter?

No.

Wade: Stark?

Incorrect.

Wade: Me?

Wrong, dumbass. Just read the title.

Wade: Oh, that makes more sense. Wait, aren't I technically-

Breaking the 4th wall? Yeah. Now fuck off.

Wade: Generic, BORING fanfics don't have cussing.

Boring? What do you have against them?

Wade: I'm never in them.

Really? Once again, you are not right. Cause you're playing matchmaker.

Wade: Isn't that Nat or Clint's job?

Fair point. Ooh, you could be in LOVE with Y/N! Don't people like that Love Triangle shit?

Wade: Well, if you're gonna swear, might as well join in. FUCK! SHIT! PANSEXUAL!

How is pansexual a curse-

Wade: Cock, dick, penis, sex!

No wonder people think I'm high when I write these (SympathyandEmpathy)

Wade: SHIT! TITTIES! ASS! THE BAREBACK OF NOTRE-RAM!

...am I high?

Wade: FELLATIO! BOOBS!

You:...what is Wade doing?

Steve: No clue.

You: Wanna grab some coffee?

Steve: I'd love to. Being Captain America heightens my hearing and the only sound that doesn't bother me is yours.

You: Aww, you really know how to make a guy blush.

Steve: *chuckles* *blushes*

You: *smirks* And so do I.

(Insert leaning)

Wade: DESPACITO MOTHERFUCKER!

You are doing the opposite of matchmaking. You're, you're...game-ending. Oh God, I AM sleep deprived.

You: Let's go get that coffee...effective immediately.

Steve: Copy that.

Wade: Heyooo! Where's the FUCKING...development?

You: ?

Wade: *GASP* He didn't understand my-

Steve: What part of normal, generic fanfic do you not understand?

Wade: Wait a goddamn MOTHERFUCKING...minute.

Steve: *winks*.

You: Really? You too. Ok, that's it. I give up. Worst.Oneshot.Ever.

Wade: Actually-

You: Save the reviews for Mister Bold. Who's technically me.

Is everyone gonna be incorrect? No, you are representative of the readers of this story. You are not the author. And that is why you have an undeterminable name. When you speak it says "You", because the narrator, whom we don't speak of, is talking in 2nd person.

You: And where is your determinable name?

You can either call me A or Gabriel.

I don't like being disrespected, you salamander.

Speak of the devil, 'sup narrator?

You: I thought YOU were the narrator. Where exactly should I point?

I feel like he's the high one. I'm the sleep-deprived one. And considering your low-tolerance proven by the fact you get drunk off of KOMBUCHA...you're the drunk one. You know, I WOULD end this by sending you to the Multiverse a.k.a Part 100 place, but we've already got enough characters disappearing there and I don't think I can handle the situation I put myself into.

I regret snorting that Tic Tac.

You: Steve...let's...leave.

Steve: Yeah, definitely.

Wade: WAIT FOR ME!

You: Come any closer and I WILL yeet you.

This was anything BUT a normal, generic fanfic.

509 words.