Marvel x Male Reader (1/2)

It's the most wonder(aw)ful time of the year (Thor × Male Reader)

I regret not making a Halloween One-Shot so get ready for some Christmas cheer! And yes, as a 12 days of Christ(fic)mas treat I am updating daily.

Tony: Guys, it's Christmas! Why're you all so gloomy?!

Clint: Pietro never listens anymore.

You: My love life is non-existent.

Thor: I miss Asgard.

Steve: Bucky thinks I'm not giving him enough attention.

Wade: My baby boy broke up with me!

And Deadpool himself started bawling like a 5 year old and you were all very surprised.

You: Oh my fucking God, this is serious. What happened?

Tony: Peter probably realised-

You: Shut the fuck up, you're the only one who hates Wade. Steve has issues with Wade too but at least they're friends! DP, what happened?

Wade: Apparently, I'm not what he needs at the moment and he should be with High School girls instead of 20 year old men*intense crying*.

You: Steve, don't you prepare Bucky breakfast in bed like 5 times a week? And I remember you constantly talking to him and giving him smooches, which, for the record, I think we can all agree look adorable af.

Steve: What's af?

You: Back to the point, please. Clint, it's Pietro, of course he doesn't listen you can't be in this sort of relationship. I know you, you like fun, but casual relationships that mostly consist of sex fueled by the arousal of mischief are not your thing. And Thor, I know you miss the original planet but maybe go see your friends in New Asgard and appreciate what you have with them during your Asgardian holiday . You don't HAVE to stay here.

Thor: Y/N, you're always giving everybody emotional support, am I correct?

You: I guess I do.

Thor: But who supports you?

You: I support myself, I don't need "help", I'm fine.

Thor: Really, because you seem to experience mood swings and you were just sad about your lack of intimacy and love. Which I thought was a woman thing.

You: 😳...did you really just say that?

Thor: Well, you know, once a month blood pours from the-

You: Thor, what the fuck? Sometimes it's cute when you're clueless about our society but this is just offensive.

Thor: How am I offending you? You are not a woman. Oh, I see what you're doing, you are reflecting.

You: I think you mean deflecting, which I'm not. It's not like I want a love life, I like being celibate. The pressure of a relationship is not for me. Too much work.

Thor: You seem to have a problem with showing emotion.

You: Do you not see my empathy and SIMPAthy, aren't THOSE emotions?

Thor: But what about your feelings?

You: (We don't see those on a fig🎶🎵) I FEEL fine. I don't need comfort. I don't get into clusterfucks like you guys.

Steve: Y/N, just relax.

You: Do NOT baby-talk me.

Tony: Clearly, you're having some problems.

You: Says the SLUT  who tries to fill the hole in his soul with sex, lies, and cash(🎵🎶), and let's not forget alcohol and possibly drugs, because I'm pretty sure you weren't snorting powdered sugar that one night!