Outside The Lines (Interracial Romance) [Part 2]

Chapter 21

Copyright © 2020 Nicole Mckoy

Deacon P.O.V.

I swerved in and out of traffic as I drove fast down the street.

"Deacon slow down! Pull over!" Cecilia screamed panicked.

I looked over at her then faced forward.

I wasn't stopping this car. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to get far away from that church.

I didn't ask Cecilia to jump in my car she did that shit on her own so she needed to just sit back and shut up.

"Deacon please you're scaring me," Cecilia begged.

"I didn't ask you to follow me! You got in my car of your own free will," I shouted.

"I got in the car because I was trying to stop you from leaving! Deacon don't do this! Turn this car around and go back to the church... you don't want this memory of your mother's funeral!" Cecilia tried to reason.

"My mother shouldn't even be dead! Why did you let that man in my house! Why did you let him argue with my mother! You knew what she was battling and you let him in anyway to just upset her and send her to her grave! You've got just as much blood on your hands as my father does," I said angrily.

"So is that why you kissed Tiffany? Out of anger because you blame me for your mother's death! Is that were all this anger towards me is coming from! You blame me!" Cecilia argued.

Cecilia thought my anger was just from that?

I had a whole lot to be angry about. I've had demons following me for sometime now.

It's just I've been getting bad at hiding that darkness that's inside me. That uncontrollable rage that drives me.

"Both times I kissed Tiffany were before my mom was dead! So no I didn't cheat out of anger!" I snapped.

The traffic light turned red and I ran through it.

I picked up the speed and kept flying down the street.

"So you just cheated to cheat! Wow what a dick move! You're just like my exes and to think I actually thought you were better than them. I thought you would actually treat me right! But you get just a slight bit of temptation and forget all about all the promises you made to me!" Cecilia said hurt.

"Don't fucking compare me to your pervert teacher or abusive cokehead ex husband," I shouted.

"At least I knew what I was getting with them! You are a full on fraud Deacon! You act like you're some nice guy that's gonna do his woman right when in reality you're just as shitty as all these other men out here!" Cecilia argued.

"You're calling me shitty! Alright Cecilia!" I said pissed off.

I swerved the car and took a sharp right.

"Where are you going?" Cecilia asked.

"Don't worry about it!" I shouted.

"I want to get out! If you aren't gonna listen to me and continue to just be an asshole then forget it! I'm done wasting my time on you!" Cecilia said.

"You're not getting out! Put your damn seatbelt on!" I shouted.

"NO! Pull this damn car over Deacon!" Cecilia argued.

I sped through two red lights.

"Deacon you're gonna kill us!" Cecilia screamed in fear.

"My life isn't worth living much anymore! My momma is gone! I've lost you! I got nothing to live for!" I said full of defeat.

"Deacon that's not true! You have your brothers to live for! You have yourself to live for! Your mother wouldn't want you to just give up like this! She loved you and only wanted the best for you! She wouldn't like seeing this version of you! This is not the son she raised! This is not the man I fell in love with!" Cecilia said.

I looked over at Cecilia and lowered my sunglasses.

"Do you still love me?" I asked.

"I don't know..." she said.

"That's not good enough Cecilia!" I said as I sped through three red lights and got on the highway.

"Deacon I'm being honest! I don't know if I can get past what you've done! You cheated! You did something you promised to never do! You had the intention to have sex with that woman! How can you expect me to just be over it? How am I supposed to ever trust you again?" Cecilia said.

I could hear pain in her tone.

My intention was never to hurt her. I was supposed to be better. I was supposed to be the man to protect her from pain not inflect it upon her.

"Deacon please slow down.... Pull the car over," Cecilia pleaded one last time.

I looked over at her and saw the fear in her eyes.

I was a broken man.

I'm not the man I once was.

I'm no good for Cecilia.

I love her but I've ruined us.

I need to let her go.

I need to get myself together.

I need to be better for my mother's memory.

"Fine I'll go back to the church," I said.

"Good," Cecilia said relieved.

Cecilia looked forward and I saw her eyes get wide.

"DEACON LOOK OUT!" she screamed.

I looked forward and quickly swerved so I wouldn't hit the car in front of me.

As I swerved I lost control of the steering wheel for a moment.

My car veered into two other lanes then I grabbed ahold of the steering wheel and pulled over onto the shoulder.

I parked my car and Cecilia was breathing heavily and crying.

FUCK!

I could have nearly just killed us!

I took my sunglasses off and threw them on the dashboard.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

Cecilia steadied her breathing and got out of the car.

She walked around to my side and opened the door.

"You're not driving anymore," she said.

I didn't say anything.

I just got out of the car and she got in.

I got back in on the passenger side.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

Cecilia didn't say a word as she took a deep breath and put the car in drive.

Cecilia drove us back to the church.

When she pulled up outside of the church and parked the car she cut the engine and we sat in silence.

"You need to stop drinking. You need to talk to someone about all your anger. Deacon I don't know what the future holds for us but I do know we need a break from each other. You're not good for me in the state you're in and I've already been down the road of destruction before and also tried to save a person from themself. It's time for you to step up and take your life back. You have to want to change. No one can want the change more than you want it for yourself. I'm sorry your mother is gone. I'm sorry I allowed your father to even speak to her. I can't change the past. Hate me if you want or don't. Just work on yourself ok because I miss the guy who always use to put a smile on my face and made me feel safe. I miss my friend more than I miss my lover," Cecilia said.

Cecilia leaned over slowly and softly brushed her lips over my cheek giving me what felt like a kiss goodbye.

She then took my car keys and got out of the car.

"I'm gonna leave the keys with your brother Alex. I know he'll make sure you get home safe," she said before she shut the door.