BEHIND THE SCENES

chapter 35: crossing the line

<OST: Sleepless Night - Crush ft. Punch>

"Yoongi-ssi, are you asleep?"

Silence.

"Yoongi-ssi...?"

Jennie stood by her room door, watching Yoongi's dark figure in the dark living room. She let out a deep sigh. It was still early, she didn't want to sleep just yet-

"No."

A smile spread across Jennie's face as she headed into the living room and lay down on the sofa opposite Yoongi. "I can't sleep, let's talk."

Yoongi groaned. "I'm trying to sleep."

"But you're not asleep yet, so let's talk."

"How do you have so much to talk about?" Yoongi grumbled. "It's night time - go to sleep."

"How is it night time?" Jennie frowned as she looked down at her phone. "It's only 1am - the night has barely just begun. If you don't wanna talk, just listen to me then."

Yoongi let out an annoyed grunt.

Jennie hesitated before she began. "You know, as a celebrity, I have a lot of problems many people don't know about."

Silence.

"People who see me on TV think that I'm doing well, I'm just a girl who barely even did anything to achieve my dreams. Some people know me as a rich chaebol's daughter, some people know me as a lazy girl with subpar acting, some people know me as the actress who joined the industry for her family background and looks and rose to fame because of her idol boyfriend and numerous scandals.

"But all this - all this isn't me, all this isn't Jennie Kim as a person. I, more than anyone else, know how hard I worked to get to the position I am right now. I, more than anyone else, know all the struggles I went through, all the countless number of diets I went on to maintain a good image on camera. I, more than anyone else, know that the only dream I ever had was to show everyone a good image of myself.

"It came to a point I was so hated that every little small action I did onscreen earned me the most negative responses online. I would go for my schedule and on the way home, I'd read all the comments and break down. I soon became terrified of going on camera.

"I developed social anxiety, I was so afraid of what people thought of me I couldn't even leave the house. I feared what people would think of me, what people said about me behind my back - it wasn't an overnight thing, but I eventually lost all confidence in myself. The anxiety attacks come and go, but they're there. I joined the industry not with the purpose of wanting to be judged, all I wanted was to be loved for doing the thing I loved most - is that too much to ask for?"

Yoongi didn't respond, and Jennie simply hoped that he was still listening in.

"Anyway," Jennie concluded. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this- but seeing those antis of mind standing down there with those hateful signboards really set me thinking and I simply had to get it off my chest. I shan't disturb you anymore, Yoongi-ssi. Goodnight."

Jennie got up from her seat.

"Actually-" Yoongi said quietly, just as Jennie got to her feet. "You don't have to bother so much about what others think."