BEHIND THE SCENES

chapter 82: for you

<OST: Sleepless Night - Crush ft. Punch>

"Hm?"

"What do you mean by doing all this?"

Chungha pulled her hand out of Hoseok's grip and looked away.

"You came in, gave me a big hug, patted my head, let me cry on your shoulder for the past half an hour..." Hoseok sat up straight. "I'm asking you what this is all supposed to mean."

Chungha was awfully silent all of a sudden.

"Hm? Why would you do all this for me?" Hoseok asked. "Is this as a friend or...? You're supposed to be on a date with bujang-nim too-"

"Oh, crap-" Chungha let out a tiny gasp as she pulled out her phone quickly, looking at the time and gasping once more. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap- I rushed over here in such a frenzy that I forgot about bujang-nim-"

"Forget about him for now and answer me-" Hoseok reached out and grabbed Chungha's handphone from her hands. "Kim Chungha, what do you mean by doing all this for me?"

Chungha was silent for a while.

"Isn't it obvious?" She finally said after a long pause, as she looked up at Hoseok. "This is my answer."

Hoseok pursed his lips. "You need to be more detailed, I don't want to misunderstand."

"Let me ask you something - remember how we were like when we first started dating?"

"I do," Hoseok said softly. "That happened so many years ago, but I still remember every little detail about it. We were always together, spending so much time studying, watching movies and doing fun things together... those were great times."

"Those great times were only at the beginning," Chungha carried on. "Slowly, we began taking each other for granted - not just you, but also me - we both thought that the other person would always be there for us... soon our dates became less frequent, and the moments we spent together felt less and less enjoyable and thrilling. Our love grew cold."

Hoseok nodded slowly.

"Maybe I never really truly loved you back then," Chungha admitted with a small shrug. "We were both young, after all. Maybe it was just the perfect combination of good feelings, the right timing, and the desire for companionship and love that drove us both insane for each other. Yet that initial drive, was only sufficient to keep us going for four years... before it hit a brick wall and came crashing down."

"You're right, it sure did."

"I'm definitely not saying that you were right back then to have neglected me for your work," Chungha continued. "But it's precisely because of how fragile our love was, that it couldn't withstand something like that. Maybe if that had happened when we were older... and a little wiser, things would have turned out different. Just... maybe."

Hoseok nodded slowly.

"Only after separating from you, I finally had the time to think. For the longest time, I blamed everything on you. Even upon meeting you many years later, I still gave the excuse that I was being afraid of being hurt again by you, afraid that you hadn't changed one bit from our uni days. But how was that possible? We were young back then, you've changed, I've changed. We've both changed.

"For the longest time too, I kept thinking that I needed someone who could make me feel secure, someone who was capable, someone whom I know would love me more than I ever was capable of loving him. That's why, when I realised bujang-nim's feelings for me, I liked it. I enjoyed his attention, I liked how good he made me feel about myself. But I soon realised that on top of that, I also enjoyed the attention you were giving me because of him.