Finding Martins

Chapter 27

I laid wide awake in the dark as my mind couldn't stop running, my insomnia creeping its way back again. I couldn't help but think about all the things that had happened from August to now. I honestly never thought this would happen again, especially not in the span of only 2 months.

My mind wandered to my parents and how it became in to this mess.

I came out to them Junior year of high school and they kicked me out on the spot. Since then I had been going house to house. From staying at Santana's for a week then going to Brittany's then Quinn, Finn then back to Santana. They are literally my family. During summer, I would also stay at Becky, Ash and Hao's houses and they welcomed me with open arms. Though we are usually at camp, whenever there are spaces in between them, I would stay at one of their houses or spend the holidays with one of them, usually it would be with Becky and her family.

When my grandparents found out I was already in my senior year, almost graduating and they were furious. Apparently they kept wondering where I was when my parents would fly to Barcelona for vacation and they would keep saying that "I was busy with soccer". To say that my abuelo and Lola could see past through their bullshit was an understatement. They then decided to move to the states.

So against their will, they forced me back into the house, but me being raised seeking validation from my parents, I... seeked validation from my parents.  So I acted straight and they were actually proud of me... It was a miracle seeing as I still played soccer and they tried so hard to let me stop playing (yup... Story for another time) so everything was good. Until college.

They found out that I turned down a lot of scholarships, especially Julliard and my dad's Alma mater, Harvard and decided on going to Stanford. But being the validation seeker that I am, I went into the arts program while taking other courses, trying to compensate on the disappointed they felt... That seemed to work for my mom but my dad still wasn't satisfied. It doesn't help that he had his suspicions towards my sexuality. Which was still gay... And I was in a relationship that time (again, story for another time).

Junior year of college came, I cried to them, asking them what I had to do in order for them to accept me. I once again, acted straight (the acting lessons they paid for when I was 10 finally paying off) and then followed them like a fucking lost puppy. They made me get into an arranged marriage so after winning the NCAA cup with my girlies, the next day I got married. Yup my grandparents were not happy. I didn't even tell Santana and Brittany until I was already preggos and I cut off all contact with anything soccer, as per my father's demands. He also tried to do to that to Santana and the New Direction but that girl fought her way into the house.

I thought that by having a child they would loosen up but it just made me feel more like I'm suffocating cause now everything I do in parenting is wrong and they tried to take control.

It would have helped if I did love my husband at that time and if he actually was there. I tried to love him, believe me. For Isabella's sake. But that fucking drunkard would come home and laugh at me for being a 'dyke' and tried to lure me in on an on the spot intervention and send me to conversion therapy and I guess that was the last straw for me. I filed for divorce and moved to New York with Isabella.

My father was not happy. He flew to New York since he knew I would be there and saw me at one of the coffee shops. He dragged me by the hair, while I was holding Isabella who was 5 at the that time and slapped me in the face. I guess someone called the cops on him cause they arrived and detained him. I filed a restrianing order and since then, ever since he got out, he had been trying to hunt Isabella and I down.

I also shut myself off. Developing severe social anxiety and PTSD, it was hard to live a normal life but with the help of Sandra, Santana and Brittany I came through.

I looked at the bed next to mine and smiled as I saw the sleeping figure on the bed, anxiety started spiking up again.

If she finds out about my past what will she think about me? Will her perspective change? Will she think I'm weak? With all those thoughts running in my head, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I groaned and opened my eyes when I felt someone jump on me. I saw Isabella standing there with a smirk on her face making me smile.

"Good morning my love."

"Good morning mommy."

I felt her snuggled closer to me and I looked at the time and saw that it was 7 in the morning.

"Time to train buddy."

Isabella groaned and got her swim bag making me chuckle. I looked over at Christen who was surprisingly awake and was scrolling through her phone.

"Good morning, you're up early."

She looked at me and smiled.

"Yeah, I couldn't go back to sleep so I medidated early and went back to bed. Where are you guys going?"

"Down to the pool. Isabella and I are going to do some laps before getting breakfast."

She nodded her head and I changed into my swim suit and and Isabella and I trained for an hour.

.

"You and Press are getting close."

I looked up and saw Pinoe who was smirking at me. I rolled my eyes and went back to warming up.

"Y'all need to really stop starting conversations like that."

The forward chuckled and sat beside me.

"It's the truth though. When are you going to make your move?"

I shoved her off of me because she was coming closer.

"Fuck off Rapinoe, don't make me call Mama D."

She gasped and glared at me.

"You wouldn't."

I chuckled and nodded my head.

"Oh you bet your gay ass I would. You know Rachael and I are the favorite daughters."

She slightly shoved me making me laugh. We went back to finishing the warm up.

October 10, 2018

I was sitting on the bench beside Ash and Ali as we watched the game going on against Trinidad and Tobago.

I didn't really expect to play in this match since I played at the last so I was just chilling on the bench.

We won 7-0 so we shook their hands and we went back to the hotel where they were stretching out and going into ice baths.

Christen and I decided to stay in our room while my daughter had a movie date with Ali and Ash. Ashlyn and Pinoe were asking her earlier who was her favorite out of the 2 of them and my daughter couldn't answer their question and now they made it into a competition.

What they didn't know is that my daughter whispered her answer to me when they started bickering and Becky is her favorite out of everyone on the team and next is Christen so they are literally fighting for third place.

I looked up at Christen.

"Hey Christen."

She looked at me confused making me internally coo at how cute she looked.

"Yes Mitch?"

"Hi."

She chuckled and smiled at me, making me melt.

"Hi."

I plopped down on the bed beside her and we laid on the bed quietly as we watched TV. I felt her hand graze on mine making me try and stop myself from smiling. I connected our pinkies together and discreetly took a glance her way. I saw her with a huge smile on her face making me smile.

We continued watching TV in silence, not pulling our hands away, feeling butterflies (wink wink) in my tummy. I could get used to feeling them.