Serendipity ( Kim Taehyung)

Chapter 4

It was near the wee hours when Haneul finally got to sleep after taking her painkillers and some liquid medicines to help her sleep better. Haru quickly showered and changed into a pair of sweatpants and put on her comfiest hoodie. The hospital room can get quite chilly especially at night and she wouldn't want to freeze herself when she sleeps on the big couch later.

This has been a routine for her—almost daily—to accompany Haneul at the hospital. As much as her cousin has pressed on the matter and asked her not to come over every single day, she insisted. That is because, she is all Haneul has now. Hanuel's parents died in a car accident few years back while they were abroad, and she is left alone under the care of Haru's parents.  The circumstance has brought them even closer to the point they feel like a family.

"Sleep well, okay?", she rubs the side of Haneul's arm before leaving the room.

Her favourite spot in the hospital is the little garden near the cafeteria at the ground floor. There are a few carers roaming around, taking a breather for the night with a cup of warm drink in their hands. A usual sight for her indeed. There are some she has gotten acquittance with, learning their names due their frequent bumping into each other every other night.

Sitting there alone on the cold marble chair, palms resting flat on the sides, she looks up into the quiet starry night sky.

"There are no stars tonight"

The sky is her only companion whenever she feels alone at night. At home or at the hospital, she always finds herself watching the night sky every time she gets oddly restless and everything feels so distant. Frequently she finds her heart hollow, like there is a constant void that shakes her insides, reminding how alone she is in the world. It is unsettling feeling and it drives her mad.

She has great friends, ones she would do just anything to protect them. They light up her life, adding colours to her dreary world and ensuring she is well taken care of. But why does she feel empty?

"Will my life get better anyway", she groans lowly, shoulders dropping as her eyes stare into the serene view of the empty sky.

Her mind slowly trails to the thought of her parents. She hardly remembers  the last time they even talked to her, more even, bat an eye at her. It suddenly feels like her parents does not even remember she exists. Well, it feels like that since forever to be honest. The initial pain, unspeakable hurt and overwhelming grief she first felt have turned into something called numbness.

It is a constant battle with herself. Does she care about her parents not minding about her, or she would rather not care about it at all?

As much as she wants to call herself unfeeling and pretends none of these situations troubled her, sadly, it did, and still does. An often, this thought leads to tears.

The soft sob that escaped her mouth startled her, making her touch her cheek only to realize there are tears. Wiping it with the back of her hand, she stares at her wet hand while more tears trickle down her cheeks, dampening her sullen face.

"I hate myself"

-

Dragging her feet towards the vending machine, in hope that some decent coffee would lighten up her gloomy self. Her mind gas been  wandering endlessly till she kept bumping onto the wall and sometimes the nurses too.

"God damn it, come on Haru, get a freaking grip", she stares at the big rectangular machine in front of her, squinting slightly as she reads the names of the drinks. "Coffee, coffee, which coffee should I get tonighttt"