Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

Prologue

Conan Lee Gray was having stupid fucking thoughts. 

Isn't military self-government tyranny in other nations?

Isn't buying a dog trafficking?

Isn't rain god's sweat?

He slumped upon his bed and sighed loudly. Sharp pain shot up his spine, like a bolt of lightening. Something hurt him underneath the sheets. He pulled them off in a swift motion, feeling a little proud of himself of moving his limbs fluidly since he was never good at sports, half-thinking that he was an idiot because now he would have to make his bed again.

It was one of those boring days. He had done everything he wanted to, his schedule was cleared, his friends were busy and he was...well, bored. It was during these days, the deepest part of his mind wished he had remained in Texas, attended a community college and be around his friends. Anything to be with them, he thought.  He had mixed feelings about this part of himself.

His friends had a life of their own and they couldn't be ready for Conan at any given time. They had obligations, families, college degrees and well, the most hurtful...other friends. Sometimes, it felt like his friends were drifting away from his orbit and crashing into other people. Better people. They could drift so far away, Conan thought, that we won't even be in the same time line anymore. 

Dumbass, he mentally cursed himself. Beneath the sheets was his phone. He grabbed it and as it lit up, he saw a lot of notifications, mostly e-mails. He threw it across the room, on a chair and debated whether he wanted to fix the mess he had made. Not really, he thought. It wasn't like anybody was gonna barge into his room and see the mess he had made. 

His phone rung. It was playing Heather from his album 'Kid Krow'. Honestly, Conan felt a little weird every time the song played. A pang of jealousy twisted his chest as the remembered the boy he had written it about. Smooth face, clear skin, bright amber eyes, dark hair...

He picked it up and heard the cheerful voice of Ash, his best friend, buzzing around in his head and forcing him to smile. It was hard not to love her. It was harder not to smile when she spoke. Conan could afford losing himself but not Ashley. She was-They'd been through a lot of the same shit in high school and she understood him better than anyone else. 

Conan thought of himself as a complicated puzzle piece that never really fit anywhere. When he had been born, all of the things he owned had either been too large or too small for him. Everyone fit into some place but maybe he was created in a way that he'd never really fit anywhere as long as he lived. 

That's where Ashley came in. She was a little too damp, dark and calm for Conan. That's what he thought when he met her for the first time but it seemed alas that too imperfect pieces do go together. Hence the friendship struck. 

"Bitch, guess what?" she said ecstatically, sounding way younger than she was. Conan could imagine her sitting on her desk, with her feet on her table and staring at the window or maybe she was with Keiran. "I am in your building's parking lot!"

"The fuck?!" he said, caught off guard. He shouldn't be surprised. Ashley had a knack for surprising him when he least expected it. But wasn't she supposed to be with Keiran "Um, I mean-GREAT! Wow! How-"

"I know how low you were feeling, Cone," she said and he heard the rustling of plastic on the other end. "So, I just came round."

Of course, she knew. She was Ashley. 

"Girl, you are a lifesaver," he said, as he made his bed, arranging everything to make it better. He didn't want Ashley to think he was again lying low. Nothing was too weird or too personal between them but Ashley worried a lot about him. She had enough on her plate already, college, relationships, family etc. He pulled the sheets up and tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear. 

"Bye," she said, "For now, Cone."

The call ended and Conan quickly arranged the sheets and casually sat onto his chair, like he wasn't going to have an anxiety attack at all. Like he wasn't feeling lonely and low. Like it wasn't the usual Conan. 

"Bitch, why is your door not locked?" Ashley said as she entered through the door. She was holding a huge bags in both her hands. She was wearing a Heather sweatshirt and jeans. She smiled a gummy smile at Conan, which always made him him happy. Ash, Ash, Ash, his best friend. She dropped the bags and Conan pummeled her into a hug, forgetting the casualness act he had to keep up. 

"I missed you, Cone." she murmured into his soft curly hair. 

"Of course, you did."

She smacked his back playfully though his back turning red and burning like a bitch wasn't that playful. 

"Yes, Ma'am," he said, sounding extremely formal. "You even got food, my dear wife!"

"I did." She said, as he bent to pick up the bags. He felt like a predator attacking his prey. "Sleepover, Gray."

"Damn, I miss those nights," he said dreamily, thinking of how at the end of they would end up type two diabetes. "Oof. I feel so much better already."

"Nothing like comfort food," she said as she looked around like Conan was some serial killer and she would find something interesting.

"Nothing like you, Ash."