Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

LXXXV. Young Love

All Karla remembered was not doing anything with the girl. She looked hesitant, scared and very drunk. She didn't seem like she was judging correctly. She didn't even seem like she liked girls, or women for the matter. She seemed really desperate and wanted her to make it swift. Maybe she did like women. Why would she jump into bed with her if she didn't? 

Shaking her head, she unlocked the door to her house. She kicked it open and looked at the fucking mess. Ever since her husband had left, saying he wanted to transition, the house had been a goddamn mess. He liked keeping things in order and Karla liked to keep things clean because of his OCD. Since he had left, she hadn't bothered with anything. 

There was a plate of uneaten take out, leftover pizza, graham crackers floating in soda on the center table. A bunch of Daisy's toys that she had been playing with. A dust of baby formula powder over everything and a couple unopened boxes of it. Clothes that needed laundry were lying over everything, couch, table, kitchen counter. A sock fell down from the fan where it had been dangling when she slammed the door close. The house smelled wet. The windows hadn't been opened in a long while to let the sunshine in.

She drew back the lilac curtains, hoping to let some light in. The room immediately felt bigger and warmer. 

"You're back so soon?" the babysitter said, coming out of the room, Daisy in her lap. Karla felt Nancy the sitter spoiled her too much. The kid needed to learn how to walk on it's own. She took Daisy from her arms who smiled at her. She put her down on a chair and she busied herself with crayons. 

"Yeah, there was less work today," she told her and Nancy bobbed her head. "Don't carry her around all the time. Let her walk to get the things and when she does, clap so she feels encouraged."

"Yes," she said, grabbing her bag from the table, ready to leave. "Thank you, Karla."

"Thank you, Nancy," she said and the short woman walked out the door. 

Daisy looked at the door sadly once she left which made Karla a little jealous. She was the mother, not Nancy. Nancy was being paid to look after her. Her daughter looked back at her, smiling and pointing at the drawing she had made. It were lines. Lines made with different colours, looking partly like confetti. 

"That's as pretty as Daisy," Karla said, poking her cheeks. Daisy smiled not because of the compliment but because she liked people touching her cheeks. She put down the crayon.

"Momma, Clonan" she said, getting a tongue tied. 

Oh, she wanted to play with Conan. Karla realized that Daisy really needed to be in the company of toddlers. She doubted if Daisy had ever even played with one either. 

"I will clean up around the house a bit and then we can go to a park," Karla said, grabbing a sheet of paper and placing it before her. Daisy grabbed her toys and started wrapping them with the paper, failing miserably. 

Conan and Heath were playing an odd game of tag around the pond, Karla observed. Was it Conan? Yes, it was. She relaxed her eyes as she confirmed to herself it was Conan. She hoped Daisy wouldn't see him because then she would stop playing with the one year boy she was building a lego tower with. 

Conan was running to catch his boyfriend who was laughing, his hair flying in the wind. He stopped to rest, breathing heavily and Conan hugged him, wrapping his arms around his waist. Conan tried to peck him when he faced him but Heath bought his hand in the middle, earning a groan from Conan. 

Wow, they really like each other. I have seen Conan with a boy he liked but it was never so affectionate or public even.

Was it creepy that she was staring intently? It was hard not to look at them being cute and couple-y.  Sometimes when a thing lacks in your life, you're drawn to those who have it. 

"Momma," Daisy murmured. Karla looked down to see she was tapping the boy's knee with the lego who smiled and continued building his stuff. Thankfully the pieces were large and not small enough to be swallowed. 

Karla's eyes found her way back to Conan and Heath. Conan was reading something to him from a book as they lay on a blanket on the grass. The other boy was listening intently, smiling or speaking up with his own remarks on which the curly haired boy would laugh. Heath's head moved to Conan's lap as he turned a page in his book. 

Heath laughed and opened his mouth to say something. Much to Karla's disappointment, she didn't hear anything over the noise of the other people. Karla realized they were not sitting that far apart. The raging noise had made them inaudible and she had naturally assumed they were far. 

Conan murmured something and planted a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead. 

"Momma," Daisy said, tugging at her clothes. She turned around when Karla looked down to find that the other boy had left with his father. Daisy stared at him sadly as he walked down the low hill, back to his dad who caught him in the air when he jumped at him. 

"I play with you," Karla said, pushing out Conan and his boyfriend from her own thoughts. She sat down next to her daughter and helped her build a lego tower. 

Young love, she thought as she glanced back. She saw them kissing. I hope it lasts.