Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

XXI. While I Can

Author's Note: But what if ya'll start shipping Jeath more than Conan and Heath?

Note that these e-mails aren't necessarily written consecutively. These are things they sent to each other over the course of an year.

A cool webtoon I really like-----------  https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/heartstopper/list?title_no=329660

That's Julian Hertz up there. He actually looks like Julian Blackthorn from a book series I like. Swipe if you can't see. 

From: julian.hetzisnotcoolaf.gmail.com

To: justlemmediealone.gmail.com

Mail sent at 13:47 on 14/6/19

Subject: Meeting in LA?

Dear Heath,

Hey! I am not doing that well, thanks for asking. No, my mom didn't throw my ninja monkey night light. NOBODY THROWS OUT THE NINJA MONKEY NIGHT LIGHT. Ninja Monkey was the first person to know I am very pansexual homoromantic. We have a special bond.

Also, like how are we still talking? I have never talked to someone online, someone I have never met irl, for so long. I guess you are special. Really special. 

I just moved in my apartment. It's the perfect size for me and the place I will be working is just three streets down. My ninja monkey night light reached safely. I get really bad dreams without it and then someone will have to hold me through ;) I just saw a shop down the block that is selling old DVDs. So, you know where to find me, Heath. I bumped into a cute guy yesterday. I wasn't looking, Heath(or maybe I was). He was very forward with me and asked me out for coffee. I told him I was taken (hopefully I will be). 

Also, like Californian sunsets are amazingggggggggg. I wait for the day to be over and watch the pink melt into orange. AHHHHH!

Back to the topic. I feel so weird moving out of my house. I feel this odd sense of freedom and yet this inexplicable feeling that I might fuck up. I stared at myself in the mirror today. My eyes are literally drooping and rung with dark circles. I haven't even started college but the very thought of it is freaking me out. I know I don't care for what people think of me but...I do care what I think of myself. A dumbfuck right now. 

I really want to meet you right now. I want to talk to you. I want to laugh with you. I want to take you on midnight dates on expensive ferries. I dream of seeing you and your gold eyes and hugging you so tightly that you choke because of the lack of air. Ugh, why do I have to wait a week to see a face glorious as yours in person?

Yours in frustration,

Jules

From: justlemmediealone.gmail.com

To: julian.hertzisnotcoolaf.gmail.com

Mail sent at 18:05 on 14/6/19

Subject: Re: Meeting in LA?

Jules,

I am very sorry to tell you that I am not pleased that you have bought along your ninja monkey light :(   Clearly, you have a better person to keep the nightmares away(ME). One that is very much alive. Ahem. Honestly, that monkey is creepy. Especially when it's eyes go red and dark. Do not send me anymore videos of it please. Instead, send me videos of your beautiful self.  

I have just finished packing and my mom is already moping. She is fussing around and telling me to take care and visit often. I can't wait to leave this town, to be honest. Unlike you, I am not very fond of my place. I can't wait to study art and design clothes and leave. Is it weird that I almost never want to come back? I won't miss this small town like you will miss yours. All the suffocation I have felt throughout the years is just...bad. I am never coming back. 

Your apartment better be good because I am going to come down there a lot. I will turn your living area into an art studio, Jules. YOU MET A CUTE GUY? I am not jealous, just really mad. Why didn't you show him a picture of me? Me and that guy would have been so cute together :(

I cannot picture an LA sunset without picturing you in the backdrop. Would you mind modeling for a piece I want to design someday? 

You are not a dumbfuck, Jules. You are smart, funny and kind of a dork sometimes. You seem naive at first but you aren't naive at all. You turn sad situations into something funny and then derive some meaning out of it. You aren't allowed to call yourself that again, okay? For what it's worth, I think your beautiful blue-green glassy eyes make up for the dark circles. 

I want to meet you in flesh too. I want to hold your hand as we walk along beaches. I want to kiss your face every time I see it. I want to paint your pictures. I want to do everything I can, all at once, while I can. 

Yours in waiting and equal frustration,

Heath

"Did I just splatter paint all over your white shirt?" Conan said, his eyes widening as the red colour dripped down Heath's jaw and spilled all over like blood. 

Heathcliff muttered, close-lipped. "Yeah, Conan, you did."

Something about his tone didn't sound all that forgiving to Conan. He looked at the brush in Heath's hands. He raised it and smacked it forth, hence colouring Conan yellow. 

"Jesus!" Conan yelled, partially laughing and smacking his hands away. "Heath, no!"

He could feel the cold paint dripping and soaking it's way on the inside of his t-shirt. 

"Thanks, Conan," Heathcliff said and suddenly pulled the Asian boy into a hug.