Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

XVIII. Pretend To Be One

Author's Note: I can't believe I forgot to say this but HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!!!!!!!! 🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈🏳‍🌈

Include trans people, asexual people and intersex people in pride. No one from the community should be left out!

Could someone explain why this plain ass shit has like 500 reads???

"I will pretend like this doesn't rip me apart," Karla murmured to herself as she signed the papers. Two drops of tears fell on the edge marking it with permanent remembrance. 

It had started a week ago though she presumed it hadn't started then. He must have been suspicious for a while.

"I want to transition into a man," her husband had said, pushing the locks of curly hair behind his ears. "I am sorry, Karla. I can't be your wife. I am sorry I wronged you and deceived you for so long. I am-"

Karla hugged him and squeezed his hands. "That's okay."

She pretended like it didn't end her world. He pretended like his' wasn't changing. 

"I don't like the thought that he keeps popping in, Sugar," Karla said, stirring her coffee and eyeing Heathcliff. She was initially fond of the boy, his soft lilt, his humbleness but now she wasn't so sure. 

"He is okay," Conan said, tapping over his laptop as the dreaded time of the premiere approached. 

"What if your neighbour sees him?" Karla asked, sounding serious. She eyed Heathcliff once again who was silently perched over the coffee table coping something onto a binder from his phone. 

"Kyle wouldn't dare," Conan deadpanned, rolling his eyes and shaking himself. It was a premiere ritual to him, shrugging off the negative energy or as his mom liked to call it(she had suggested it) Ki.

Oh, he might. "I don't want you to get in trouble," Karla said instead. Her phone buzzed softly in her lap and she bent to receive it. 

"Just wait a second," she said. She wasn't the one to pick up calls in the middle of a job but she was desperate. 

Please tell me it was a joke. 

"Hey, Kar," Caleb's voice rung out. She was able to hear the sharp wailing of their child. Daisy wouldn't stay with them for longer, she presumed. She was going back to the foster care since they were getting a divorce. "I fixed a date. They are taking her tomorrow."

"Oh," she said, wondering what to say. Conan beckoned her to come over and put off her call. He looked at her with an annoyed expression when she turned to continue talking with him. 

"I will be back in second, Cal." 

"Finally, woman," Conan said, rolling his eyes so hard that she was scared that he might pop them off. He clapped his hands in enthusiasm as they lyric video premiered on youtube. She smiled softly as Conan's lips tugged at the edges and he grinned sheepishly. He seemed to be having a thoughts at the exact moment. Thought she did wonder how many of them were rational. 

It was odd for her to see him like this. She wasn't usually sitting with him when songs were premiering. He always texted her to check if it was streaming or not. Usually, she would be in her office, legs over her desk, thinking about home or the timings for the next interview or if Daisy were okay. 

His band should be with him right now, she thought as she slid onto a chair beside him. Though much had changed about her life, her family, herself even in the few weeks, she was certain that the loving relationship she had with Conan would never change. 

"Great job, kid," Karla said and Conan looked at smiling brightly, even the smallest of freckles visible. 

Karla Steele stepped out on the beach, breathing in the fresh air that passed. It didn't smell like the sweat, rushing hot heat or even gasoline. The air touched and skimmed over the bare arms, legs and neck. She laid herself onto the sand. It was cool and she felt that her nerve ending had somehow found a way to slip through her bathing suit. 

She felt a little reckless, lying out on the beach in February. 

"You might catch a cold," Caleb had said, knowing she wanted to escape their tensions. 

"It doesn't matter," Karla had replied. "I will do it anyways."

And in the end she did end up shivering. She wrapped a cardigan around herself and drunk all the alcohol she was carrying. She lied down on the sand, musing if someone would murder her right on the beach or worse she would have to wake up and accept reality the next morning. 

"You like testing me so much!" she shouted. 

She felt like she was being a bitch, wanting her husband to become someone he wasn't. She knew a part of her wanted to undo it but then she would hate herself even more. She didn't want to shackle him. He could never be her wife. It was a conflicting feeling. She wanted him to be with him forever, like had promised four years ago and yet she didn't want to be with him anymore. He wasn't a girl. He couldn't pretend to be one. 

Oh god, she thought, sobbing into her cardigan. Even poor little Daisy will have to go back.

I don't know what this means for me. 

"I just.." Karla murmured softly and laid her head back onto the sand like it belonged there.