Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

XLIX. Moving On

Micah Lim

Micah: heyy i am here to pick u up

Heath: i thought u had a date with al

Micah: i cancelled duh. cmon i have to tell al i cancelled

Heath: um, but isnt that kinda rude?

Heath: i dont think al would be pleased. i dont mind lim. go on ur date.

Micah: dont worry we can go on a date. i ditched al for u

Heath: okay lol

Micah: just come outside fast

Heath: comingg

Heath was hit by a gust of hot air and the thick smell of petrol and gasoline constricting his wind pipe. At least Texas had plenty of fresh air. He suddenly missed the old country songs and the old people who corrected him in the middle of the street. Two weeks in the miserable town so why was he missing it? Something about Texas hit different this time. It felt more like home that a cage. He remembered having three anxiety attacks the last time he had visited. He almost tripped as some family with a mischievous seven year old daughter tried to make him fall over the wheels of her suitcase. People jostled him every other way, sometimes even knocking their elbows into his ribs. 

He dragged his suitcase along the road, wondering where the hell his friend was in a maze of cars. He winced as some child almost got run over by a silver volvo, the driver of which proceeded to shout at the small child who had now begun crying. 

"Over here!" 

Heath turned around to see his friend, stopping the car right beside him. He opened the door and stuffed his bags right inside and then got inside the to the co-driver side. 

"It's crazy," he said, glancing at the mirror. "I couldn't wait to leave Texas but now I miss it."

"Maybe you miss someone in the town," Lim said playfully and her accent sounded oddly foreign in the town. 

"Yeah, about that," he coughed nervously. "I kinda kissed Conan."

"SHUT UP!" she said, her eyes widening. Her knuckles turned white because she clutched the steering too hard. "Did you like it?"

"I wouldn't have kissed him ten times after that if I hadn't liked it," Heath said, sounding ecstatic. 

"Ten fucking times?" she said, smiling widely. Her expression moved to something softer. Something bolder, desire. "God, you both are so cute. I wish Al and I were that cute."

Micah Lim had a reputation of some sort of a playgirl in their college. Though Heath and her shared no classes together, he had heard the gossip about her spread. How she would never stick to a guy, the way she would bail on dates and if miraculously someone made it to a second date, they would never make it to a third. 

"Maybe if you didn't bail on him four times, you would be that cute," he said, shrugging. He was is no position to give her dating advice but he did feel her being friends with him took a lot of time out of her very less free time.

"I don't feel it with him either. I don't feel it with anyone," she said, changing the gear. "But I will find someone, don't you think?"

"I don't think you need love to live," he said and then regretted it because she gave him a filthy and disgusted look. 

"Of course you do," she said. "Love is the whole point of our lives, isn't it? A human is born because of love and lives to be loved."

"What I meant was you don't need romantic love to survive," he said and she considered it for a moment, before he spoke, "Sometimes platonic love is enough."

"I have plenty of platonic love, Heath," she smiled. "I want something bigger."

"Platonic love is underrated," he shrugged. 

"But back to topic," she squeaked. "Tell me. When did you kiss Conan?"

"My second last night in Texas," he said. There were no secrets between them, he could escribe to feeling too and not feel weird or disgusted. "And no there was no romantic weather, no stars, it was fucking hot and he kissed me."

"You make it sound so boring," she drawled. "You are dating?"

"I went on like one date and it fucked up, if you checked twitter," Heath said sounding bored. "So, I guess everyone will act nice to me classes tomorrow. Or extra mean, depending on how they feel about it."

"Conan fixed it all," she said worriedly. "He talked about to a blog and they cleared up that you two were just on a date and not dating."

"That's sad," he said and her eyes sparkled. 

"Why?"

"I want to call him my boyfriend," he said truthfully. "But it all feels too fast. Like it's only been five months, six at this point and I am moving on?"

"It's not like that, Heath," she said, consoling him. "It's good that you are not depressed and sad. I think Julian would want you to move on as quickly as you could."

When he didn't react to it, probably because she was correct, she spoke again. "There is no time stamp on how long you should be sad. Yes, some people will call you a slut or whatever but do you want to go back to the phase when you were sad and depressed? I know you still love Jules. He was a great guy and you still think of him as your soulmate, but you love Conan too. There is no denying that."

"Thanks," he said, running a hand through his tousled hair. "I needed that very badly."

"So you do love him?" she said, recoiling in surprise. "I thought you would deny that."

"I love the idea of loving him," he smiled. "And yes, I kinda am in love with him. I mean he is just so fucking great but I don't think he will say it back."

"Ah, you don't know that yet," she said, taking a turn. "I mean did you say that?"

"I almost did," he said, he laughed at his own forgetfulness. "He caught though, I think. But he didn't say anything so I guess that means he doesn't want to say it back. Besides, I am not ready to say it yet. I don't even know if I want to."

"You both are so annoying," she said. Sometimes she fangirled so much that it was hard not to cringe. "Why do keep this stuff to yourself? Like you are supposed to tell each other these things."

"Sometimes it feels like you are more into me and Conan than either of us," he laughed and she smiled. 

"And you're realizing that just now?"