Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

LXX. Wingardium Nervosa

Heath literally fell asleep on facetime. 

He had propped his phone against a pillow and lied down to talk to him. Seeing him, he experienced a burst of serotonin that Conan had only felt around family or the four close friends. He listened and smiled as Conan talked about how happy he was that his guitar had reached safely. Conan tried to get him to send those middle school photos but he was adamant that Ashley would kill him if he sent them to him. 

Heath kept up for two hours when he finally started getting sleepy. Conan got the hint but he didn't disconnect. So now, he has been staring at Heath as he slept and occasionally taking screenshots. 

He was light sleeper which was why Conan had to mute his mic. Okay, he found it a little creepy, Edward Cullen creepy. 

Heath's hair was tousled and sprawled on the pillow like waves of the sea. The only downside was that he couldn't see in his eyes or the dimple that was on the other cheek. His was snoring lightly and occasionally he would smile murmuring something. He looked so calm and collected when he slept, like nothing could harm him in the world. He stirred once more and Conan almost disconnected in fear that it was because of him. 

Call in progress, he posted the a little bit of his hair and upper face on his instagram story, generating a lot of replies, some of which he checked and had a good laugh at. He went back to the screen, realizing that he had been scrolling for thirty minutes. 

"Nice move, smartass," Heath said when he tapped back onto the screen. He was very much awake and amused by Conan's way of occupying himself. "I hope I looked good when I was napping."

"You looked like an angel," Conan assured, a little alarmed by the fact that he had awaken at the right moment. "How did you find out?"

Heath got off the bed, smiling shyly as he answered, "I happened to wake up."

"Would you please go to sleep again?" 

"So you can gain more creepy shots of me? No," he answered firmly and Conan felt his smile morph into a grin. 

"I already uploaded one on my story," Conan said and laughed as Heath dragged his nails across his face. He had painted them black, he noticed. "It's payback for the middle school pictures."

"You didn't tag me right?" he asked nervously, dreading the answer.

"I did," Conan said proudly, "Because your instagram photos are adorable."

"Aaaahhh," he screamed not that loudly. "I don't know why I love you anymore."

"Maybe because I am really cute and kissable?" 

"Maybe," Heath said, disappearing from the view and putting on a cream coloured sweater. 

"I have a thing in fifteen minutes. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah, I love you," Conan said, grateful to say those words once again. 

"I love you too," Heath said without hesitation. "Bye, Cone."

"Bye."

"Ellie's mom was talking about anorexia in teens and then out of nowhere Ellie's dad starts-"

Anorexia. Alyssa did a college essay on it once. She was obsessed with it. 

"Hey, Ashley?" Conan but her off and she blinked at him blankly, her huge brown eyes brimming with confusion. "You study psychology, right? What-What causes anorexia?"

"It's mostly because of mental factors," Ashley said, trying to recall everything she had learned. "But which one are you talking about? I only did Anorexia Nervosa essay which was a brief topic in our syllabus."

"The one in which people eat less?" Conan said, unsure if that was even a category. 

"That's Nervosa. It's caused by things like negative body image, pressure from friends and other factors."

"Negative body image?" he echoed, urging her to explain more. 

"Like, someone with nervosa will think they need to be skinny or thinner or they won't be pretty or desirable," Ashley explained in a light tone, probably not wanting to deep dive. She did that because she assumed Conan was probably not smart enough for a deep dive.  

"Do you still have that essay?" 

"I have a soft copy. You want it?"

"Yes, please."

Conan stayed up all night reading the articles of Anorexia Nervosa, a type of eating disorder in which a person eats less. What horrified him was that people could die from it. Some made themselves forcefully throw up if they ate anything, others exercised too much, killing themselves to look thinner or what they deemed others found desirable. Even if they got their desired body type, they would still continue with their less eating. 

Heath had almost all of the symptoms of it and to Conan's relief, he seemed to be in the early stages of it, since he did eat when he was forced to. He wondered if him being away would make him eat even lesser. 

He learned a lot more than he had in his life and he seemed to enjoy and retain it too. Heath did have a negative body image even though he was beautiful and it hurt to look at him. He was always obsessed with being desirable and loved. Gods, it was in the early stages but really serious. How would he convince him that he had it anyways? And when would it go away, if it ever did? 

He had no idea how to help him, even though he had studied so much about it. He needed to make sure Heath felt loved and safe. But how would he do that? Besides, these diseases took years to go away and even when they did, they would not be fully gone but something that kept coming back. 

One step at a time, Conan. First you convince him he has it. Then you two can deal with the rest.