Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

LXXII. What You Like To Call Your Own

Last time his nails were light orange, this time they were black and stood out more. He wore a cream coloured sweater over a light blue collared shirt and loose dark jeans cuffed at his ankles and clean white shoes. He strode in, not meeting his eyes as if he wanted to disappear and wished he would see through him, like he was air and not a solid person. No one else was having a visit and he felt grateful he could talk without anyone else looking his way.

"Hello, Heath," he said the moment his son held the receiver to his ear. "Thanks for visiting a second time."

"I have better things to do," Heath said tightly. 

"I am assuming you finished college, a pity I can't come to graduation," he said, sounding sorry. "They treat me well in here, apparently murderers are feared and the other inmates are in here for minor crimes."

"Only an idiot would confess to a murder," Heath said. "So there is nothing in you to be afraid of."

Romulus smiled at his son's disrespectful tone. He deserved it since killing was a serious crime. But there was no other way, was there? It was the last straw and he took it. The government disagreed and a part of him did find it disgusting. He had turned into a murderer. But he only did it for his son, hoping he would understand that he didn't really love that boy. Boys shouldn't love boys. He was sure many people agreed with him but he was the only one with the courage to do something about it. 

He wondered if things could have been different if Heath had tried to be half the man he was meant to be. He wouldn't be humiliated by the love of his life, he would have had a family, a job, maybe more kids and respect. He had hoped killing that boy would have made him see reason but nothing could change his mind. A life wasted because his son was too stubborn.  

"What did you study in college?" he asked. He knew it was University of Cali he went to. He hoped he had gotten some sports scholarship or something. 

"Art and fashion designing," Heath said and Romulus felt like he had been slapped. If course, he had picked those. 

"Janet paid for that?" he asked, flabbergasted. 

"Scholarship and college fund," Heath merely said, twirling the cord of the telephone around his ring finger. "Unlike you, she appreciated me liking those things."

"I don't appreciate you doing those things but I don't think I have the right to an opinion anymore," he said sadly. "You could have done better."

"I am doing better than most people do in that area of work," Heath said, not proud but only to put him down. 

"Good for you," he shrugged and saw his son look uneasy. "How is Janet?"

He had really hoped that through these years, she hadn't gotten remarried or anything. He didn't want anyone to have her, if he couldn't. 

"My mother is not your wife anymore. Her well being is none of your concern," Heath said curtly. 

"Of course but she loved me once," he said as if to mock him. "You can't unlove, Heath. You can cut someone off but you can never unlove."

"Mom calls you her biggest mistake, if you didn't know," Heath said and Romulus felt his stomach turn. Janet, the love his life, considered him a mistake and nothing more. No, he was lying. Janet would never say that. That soft hearted woman would not break someone's heart or say something so hurtful. 

"Your mother would never say that."

"She did say that, Romulus," Heath spoke softly, as if taming a wild cat. "She hates you and she says she should have judged better."