Anbum Aranum Udaiththaayin

Kutra Unarchi

The shocked look from Jeeva was enough for Kathir to cringe. He looked at Jeeva's pale face and he had no idea how to apologize to him for his deeds. Whatever he says, however he says, he would still look like a hypocrite. He did not intend to let his brother know. However, every time he looked at his brother sulking in remorse, guilt enveloped him. He did not want to be selfish and somehow he had the urge to come clean with his brother today. Kathir was not sure if his brother would be angry on him or hate him at that moment, and he could not even blame him if he did.

Jeeva stood there transfixed for few minutes and finally managed to ask

"Ellaey enna da Olara? Nee, Mullai?", Jeeva asked in a shrill voice still hoping he heard it wrong

"Anne. Irune, Naan mulusa solla vandhadha solidarean."

Jeeva just nodded in response and then after a brief moment Kathir closed and opened his eyes to compose his emotions before he spoke again.

Jeeva always blamed himself for Mullai leaving the house. Jeeva did not treat her right. No matter how much he loves his brother, he cannot deny the fact he has betrayed Mullai's trust and pushed her into a loveless marriage. However that does not  justify falling in love with his brothers wife.

"Kalayanathuku aparam nee sadhanama ilanu enaku purinjudhu. Konja nalula nee seri ayiduvenu naan perusa kandukala. Poga poga Mullai'um sogama than irukanu therijudhu. Unga rendu perukulayum prachanaiya oru nalaum ava veetla yaru kitayum sonadhu illa. Vetukaga panradhu parthu, ava gunam puriya aramichudu. Kalayanathuku munadi ava mela irundha verupu, avanga appa amma mela kovam matum than purinjudhu. Poga poga adhu natpa marichu. Epo kadhala maruchunu enaku theriyalane"

He looked at Jeeva to gauge his reaction. Jeeva was still intently listening and looking confused. 

"Unna pakavey kurta unarchiya irukum ne. Nenga yepadiyavadhu sendhu sandhosama irundhuta, elam seri ayidumnu thonum. Sila samayam suyanalama, ava en kuda irundha, en vazhkai sandhosama irukanumnu thonum."

Kathir bend his head down not able to face Jeeva anymore. It was not as simple as confessing about his love to his brother. It is about him telling about his love for his  wife. Though they never lived as one, it did not make it any less difficult for Kathir.

"Elley. Unaku pathiyam edhavadhu pudichu iruka? Ava un anni da. Yepadi da ipadi yosichu vecha? Andha pulla pathi orla enna pesuvanganu yosichiya?", Jeeva asked loudly still appalled by Kathir's revelation.

"Anne! Nee nenaikara mathiri elam edhuvum illa. Enaku than Mullai'a pudichu irukunu sonean. Avaluku apadi oru abirayamey illane", Kathir quickly added before Jeeva doubted Mullai's conduct.

Jeeva can understand the guilt Kathir went through, that did not make him any less angry over the situation. If he treated Mullai as his wife and given her respect, this would have never happened. That does not deny the fact Mullai was still his first wife and will be one in name of society. Jeeva was not sure how to react. Should be relieved Mullai did not reciprocate Kathir's feeling as he knew this relation would never work out. Or, should he be worried, that his brother was left heartbroken?

"Elley. Ipadi panni vechu irukiyey da. Naan than oru thapu panitu nikarean, neum en da? Unaku edvadhu puriyudha?", Jeeva was anxious for this brother and his future and was not sure how to even explain what he felt. 

" Anney, Enna analum Mullaiya thapa yeduthukadha. Nee Mullai veeta vitu ponathuku nee matum than karanamnu kurta unarchiya irukaradha patha, enaku inum uruthuchu. Adhan solitean."

Jeeva found Kathir looking at him helplessly. He has never seen Kathir wish anything for himself. He has always thought about others happiness and welfare of the family. Seeing him bow his head in disgrace and shame stung his heart.